a support story: Mercy Gives Back

It was six years ago now, when I lived in a residential facility for young women with life-controlling issues. Sometimes I wish I could put those two girls side-by-side, the girl I was back then and the one He's breathed to life now. Truthfully, I think it would be hard to believe they were one in the same. Some may call it a transformation, a miracle, a good program, or simply behavior modification.

But I know it to be--redemption. That process of what was once dead becoming alive & new.

That's the crazy thing. I wanted to die. I spent years literally trying to die. Spiritually, I was dead.

But GOD, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, EVEN WHEN WE WERE DEAD in our trespasses, made us ALIVE TOGETHER WITH CHRIST--by grace you have been saved. [eph. 2:4-5]

Praise God, He had a plan for my life which so far exceeded my own.

Over the six months I spent at Mercy Ministries, the Truth of God's word finally began to penetrate deeper then the lies which had dictated my life up to that point. I began to experience freedom and to trust Him. That emptiness I felt inside which I had tried so desperately to gratify with anything and everything was being filled with the love of Christ, and it satisfied me more richly and completely then any of the million other things I had tried to fill that hole with. I began to understand how He created me to be dependent upon Him, and to be satisfied in Him alone. Life since then has been full of challenges and victories, utter brokenness and great joys, but I do know He has been my hope each step of the way.

Abide in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. [john 15:4]

BEHOLD, all things are made new.

So fast forward six years and here I am, trusting Him in new ways through this support-raising journey, confident in one thing alone--that God has redeemed my life and has called me to share that same hope with students studying here at the U of A, literally coming from the ends of the earth, some of whom have never heard the name of Christ.

For the Lord has commanded us saying, 'I have made you a light for the gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth!' [acts 13:47]

This support raising process continues to provide countless opportunities to share God's story of redpemtion. The neatest part in all of this, is a full-circle moment which came with the very first partner to join my support team.

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It was a Thursday when I saw the email come through. Just a week or so after my first newsletter went out,back when I had no idea how God was going to provide for me in this process.  This email was to let me know my very first supporter had given! I was so excited and grateful. There is something incredibly surreal and humbling about seeing that very first check come through. As the Lord would have it, that first gift was from Mercy Ministries, this very place which God first used to draw me to Himself & redeem my life from the pit.

How cool is that--only He would be sweet enough to use this ministry to point me to Christ through whom my life was made new, and now their impact carries over not only to thousands of hurting young women, but specifically to 1,800 interantional students literally coming from 112 different nations in whom God has called me to invest my life, and I can actually do that because of support like this from so many of ya'll--including Mercy!

"I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done. I ponder the work of your hands. I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land." [ps. 142:5-6]

Today, I needed to recall his faithfulness in bringing to me to here. I needed to hear the gospel, the way He's displayed it in my life. He really does pierce through sin and shame to teach us where the only lasting, eternal satisfaction comes from--Christ. 

There have been so many humbling and deeply encouraging stories of His faithfulness though this support raising process, I just thought I'd start at the beginning. I have no doubt He will provide just what I need--and I have even greater confidence that He knows what I need far better then I do. 

to so many of ya'll--"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all, making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now." [Phil 1:3-5]

From Campus to Contients [& one month of support raising]

Exactly one month ago today, I waved a tearful goodbye to the kiddos I've spent the past two years with for the majority of their waking hours and cruised my way through those all too familiar hills and curves of Shadow Valley one last go round. It all felt oddly ordinary, so when my back wheels slid through that tiny black gate at the end of the curve and it all became suddenly real, I decided to pull over and weep.

I just needed a moment.

Those were tears of thousands of diapers changed and apologies made after loosing my temper at the end of a long day. Tears of a lil man's first steps and the day the twins finally learned the sound of "th" placed together in a word. It was remembering hundreds of trips to Chickfila and birthdays celebrated with the cow. Tears wept as I rocked a miracle baby girl to sleep day after day, begging Jesus to reveal Himself to her one day and pleading with Him to give me grace to trust bigger with my own too. Tears over the hunger these kiddos have to be loved and the way God entrusted them to a daddy and momma who are searching for that too. I recalled the meals I could make in my sleep and the paleo lumps that made me infamous amidst this little world that had become my calling, my people, my job, and my family through the craziness of life.

Floods of emotions and memories and struggles and joys and changes and seasons--all of which left me overwhelmed by His insane faithfulness through it all. Oh, if you only knew.

Thirty days later, here I am in continued awe of His steadfastness and my days look so vastly different. For example, in life with a 2 year old and a newborn, a successful week demanded a least 120 minutes of adult conversation to be scheduled in, for all of our sanity--and now I find myself perhaps too easily drawn away from the ones I came to visit with and find myself sitting on the floor in a pool of barbies and cars without a second thought. While 2:57pm no longer brings me to the side of the curb waiting for two big Kindergardeners to come bobbling off of the bus, that is still the time of day that my body calls for a snack--and caffeine! Funny how He allows those little reminders of His grace, reminders that He holds our days, our seasons and is fully worthy of our trust.

For those who don't know, a total chain of events only God Himself could have laid out, led me to serving as a missionary with the North American Mission Board as the International Student Ministry Coordinator for my church and a campus ministry at the University of Arkansas. If you want more details, I'd be happy to send you a newsletter or grab coffee and tell ya all about it.

Did I ever see myself here? No way.

If you told me I would agree to raising my own salary, working in ministry with college students from all over the world, and still living in Fayetteville five years after moving here I would have told you all the reasons that would never happen to me.

Praise God, that while the heart of man may attempt to plan his way, but the Lord establishes His steps. [prov. 16:9]

The four years leading up to now have taught me a deep and driving love for the nations and the students studying right in my midst from those very ends of the earth breathed out by the Creator. God knew what He was doing the very day He moved me to this crazy natural state, unbenounced to me of course. This is my dream job and then some, the story unfolding still blows my mind. It was a dream He put in me and brought to growth year after year. I'm beginning to expect Him to ask of me the very things I inform Him I will never do or be. I just picture Him, leaning back and laughing deep in His belly watching me, as I come to see His perfect plan unfold.

Oh the JOY He finds in displaying His great power through our weaknesses and lack. What a free place to be! I am so thankful that God is sovereign and yet gracious to give us His spirit and work through us!

"And the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Lord God, when through you I vindicate my holiness before their eyes….then the nations that are left all around you shall know that I am the LORD; I have rebuilt the ruined places and replanted that which was desolate. I am the LORD. I have spoken and I will do it!" [ezekiel 36]

These days, this journey just leaves me in awe. The mountain highs and valley lows, the curves and straight-aways of a gracious Father's pursuit of a wayward daughter, a daughter so oblivious to the greatness of His glory and the wholeness of His love, a trail that recounts His faithfulness and new mercies over and over and over again. Then, behold all things are new. He alone transformed this heart which was once stone. Now He satisfies and is fully worthy of my life. Billions are yet to hear of His name. How can that be?

And a block away from my front door, thousands are going from one class to the next, thousands from those very ends of the earth that haven't heard, ambassadors of gospel right here in our midst. May I daily be bold in faith and speaking the gospel to these students. I pray I will be faithful to journey on in such a manner to which His name goes forth and ends with nations at His throne, crying out in unison, "Holy, Holy, Holy…" What a day that will be. Lord, make that the lens through which I see today.

I'm raising my support right now, a whole salary from those He leads to give and see fruit increase to their credit. I'm learning SO much of His provision and gift in the body of Christ, my local church too, as the trail forges onward, pointing clearer then ever to the God who redeems and holds my all in all. The only message that brings the dead to life. And so many need to hear.

I set out on a one-hundred day journey, a goal to be fully funded by August 1st. Thirty days in, I find myself 60% funded and in awe of His provision, encouragement and affirmation that I am right where He has called me to be. It's a good thing too, because He knows I'm a bit thick-headed and slow to trust.

Join me in praying this journey will continue to make all else grow strangely dim in light of His glory and grace. Pray for the 1,500 students from 112 different nations finding out right now, they're headed to Arkansas this fall.

I plan to write more and tell the stories that make this support-raising journey so incredibly humbling. Stay tuned.

And because I so desperately miss this crew...