On Gratitude for the Thursday Night Ladies [and ten months together]

I'm sitting here, as often happens each week, plopped in the middle of the living-room floor, candles still flickering, crayons still sprawled about, a sea of food covering the kitchen counter that all needs to be put away and I haven't looked yet, but I'm guessing the cushions are off the sofas, tossed about in the other room, little chocolate hands left marks in random places, and the trash is likely overflowing.

For the past three hours this place was straight up chaos, as it often is on Thursday nights. Littles running rampant like they run the place or something, and beautiful women eating a little slower and talking a little longer--tonight I had to pause for a minute as I was walking out of the bathroom and into the chaos--just stood there and took it all in.

With tears flowing down my cheeks, I cannot even believe that the Lord would be so sweet as to provide, to entrust me with these dear friends and our Thursday nights together. He has truly done abundantly beyond anything I could have asked or dreamt up ten months ago.

I love these ladies fierce, y'all.

Back in August when a friend and I met two families in the park across the street from my house, I never could have imagined how our gracious Heavenly Father would  be to use that meeting to forever impact my life. One of the ladies we met that afternoon, shared how she had been living in the area for over a year and only one or two American women had ever even talked to her. Can you imagine that? It broke my heart and I desperately wanted to be her friend.

We parted ways that evening, one-another's phone numbers in hand, having no clue if I would ever see this sweet lady again. BUT GOD! He had a perfect plan and had gone before me in SO many small ways. I met up with my new friend from the park the very next week--she and her little girl went with me to a bookstore and for an ice cream--and the rest is truly history!

God used our friendship to solidify a desire He had put in my heart months prior--to use my home as a refuge for those feeling lonely and alienated. A few others with the same heart gathered with me and prayed that this home could be a place where women from all different tribes and tongues could find meaningful friendships, share vulnerable areas of theirs lives with one-another, and discuss where our ultimate Hope comes from.

So last August, this dream became a reality every Thursday night! Most weeks we share a big meal, talk about our lives, talk about stories or do fun activities together. Most all of the women coming have connected to our group through that ONE dear friend we met in the park that day--talk about God's perfect plan! Whew!! And none of it would be possible without some AMAZING American friends who come faithfully, bring food and joy, and walk with these ladies too.

One of my favorite memories of this group was when we got to celebrate one of their sweet little girls' second birthday party--with a houseful of like thirty people from all over the world! We have rejoiced together, laughed until tears poured out, wept together, prayed together, miscommunicated and disagreed about things, learned from one-another, needed one-another, come up with all the inside jokes together, tried to practice different languages together--with much laughing--and lived a year of life together and I am forever thankful and indebted to these ladies. They make me better.

Ya'll, they are the most brave friends I have known--they willingly leave everything that's familiar to them--their families, their culture, their FOOD--and trek half-way across the world where they then land in this corner of "the natural state" where they (or their husbands) purse intense degree plans at the University while they also raise babies and manage all the tasks of normal life, yet not knowing the language at first, not having a car, not having many friends to call on for help in their times of need and so on.

As Americans, we often tend to shy away from people who look, act, or even talk differently from us. I want to encourage you, wherever God has placed you in this season, to just pause and look around you--take note of the people around you who are different from you. Sojourner literally means "guest," "stranger" and even one who "belongs to another."

We mustn't forget that WE ourselves are indeed aliens, strangers, sojourners on this earth--we await a heavenly citizenship, a better country which God has prepared. The reality is, if we do in fact "belong to another," why wouldn't we jump on any opportunity we are given to befriend and care for those who might seem quite different from us, those who are sojourners in our midst and yet share a similar situation to me or to you--when we look with eternal perspective, right?

Every week these ladies thank me and tell me that I don't have to do this every week. What they don't understand is that what I do is easy--what THEY do on a daily basis is the hard and brave part! And ya'll, none of us are perfect but man, they are so incredibly kind, sincere, and trusting. They are EASY to get to know and even easier to love deeply. These ladies are some of the most kind and generous friends I have. And if you only knew some of their stories--some of the miraculous ways God has protected them and provided for them in the midst of realities you or I could not even imagine--these ladies are my heroes and beloved friends.

Tonight, paused in the hallway gazing out over the chaos--all I could hear was the Father saying, Courtney, this is how much I love YOU--that I would willingly, joyfully take a sojourner, an exile like yourself, someone that was far from me and I would choose to bring you near to me even when it cost me greatest sacrifice ever made. You don't even understand the heights and depths and breath of my unceasing and unchanging love for you. And as much as you love these ladies--I love them more then you will ever know.

As we squeezed one-another tight, all the kisses on the cheeks, utterances of "Masalama" and "In-sha-allh," the tears just fell yet again as they herded out the door--God has and continues to teach me SO much through these beautiful friends and our Thursday nights together. I can't wait to see what plans are in store for our little community in the months and years to come! What a sweet ten months it has been--learning from and loving you ladies!

As a side note, it was perfectly fitting, of course, for our last official Thursday night of the semester to involve half a dozen kiddos running around, two grand-mommas visiting from the other side of the world, and a dozen women from near and far--yes you never could have guessed--all getting facials and foot massages and being told to "relax in the quiet like we're at the beach"--HAHAH as if that were possible! Wouldn't have had it any other way!

"As I have loved you, you love one-another. Greater love has no one then this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."

Now off to tackle those dishes and hunt for all the hiding crayons! 

In Which We Have More Hosts then Students!

Have you ever considered how lonely it would feel to move to another country, learn a new culture, study in a different language, eat strange foods, and be so far away from your family?

Right now, the "honeymoon" phase of coming to a new place is ending as hundreds of international students here in Fayetteville are beginning to face this difficult reality and the homesickness is hitting hard! Recently, three of my dear friends shared how last weekend, all weekend long, their phones never buzzed, and they felt so alone. 

This is why the University's I-Friend Program is so amazing--it matches American families or American upperclassmen college students with an international student for the year. Actually, the I-Friend Program was how I really began spending time with international friends! The goal is for them to invite their student to come over or go do something at least once a month. It is an awesome picture of how God sets the solitary in families, even for seasons! Every year, there are always far more students who desire to get matched with a family then there are families available to match them with, which is a sad reality. 

My hope was that as I got to meet with families (specifically from my church body), and share more about international students and their desire to do life with Americans, that more families who had never participated in the I-Friend program would give it a try! 

Two weeks ago I received an email from the international office at the U of A saying, “Hi Courtney, thanks to your efforts, we actually have more American hosts then international students this year! Since you know so many of the hosts and students this year, we would love for you to come and help us match them this week.” 

Meet Ameel (to my right!), one of my new I-friend
"daughters" this year from Morocco!  

Ya’ll, every year we have too many students and not enough host families to match them with—this is HUGE! Wow!

What an incredible picture of the body of Christ catching a vision and running with it. University Baptist Church now has a reputation with the University as being a people who are willing to meet a practical need to the glory of the Father! We have gotten to bless the University and invite these students from Macedonia, Brazil, Morocco, Korea Iraq, etc. to sit at our dinning-room tables and hang out with our families.

Not to mention, there was SO MUCH favor in the University inviting me to come help match, because it enabled me to hand-pick students I’ve gotten to get to know and match them with many UBC families, even with many of you who are now welcoming them into your homes! Last week three different international students came to UBC for the first time, with their I-friend families! Even today, another student came for the first time with his campus cousin! I'm SO excited to see how God continues to reveal Himself to these students, even as we consider them more significant then ourselves! 

If you’re local and still interested in being matched with a student, a whole new group of internationals arrive in January! How awesome would it be to once again have more host families then students to match them with?! 

Meet Lorrene from Brazil! One of two new students I got
matched with this year through the I-Friend Program! 

My hope for us as a body of Christ locally, is that our presence on campus among international students would continue to grow, and that our increased involvement would become the norm! I thank my God for each of you as we labor together for His glory and the furtherance of His Kingdom among our beloved international friends at the U of A!

From Campus to Contients [& one month of support raising]

Exactly one month ago today, I waved a tearful goodbye to the kiddos I've spent the past two years with for the majority of their waking hours and cruised my way through those all too familiar hills and curves of Shadow Valley one last go round. It all felt oddly ordinary, so when my back wheels slid through that tiny black gate at the end of the curve and it all became suddenly real, I decided to pull over and weep.

I just needed a moment.

Those were tears of thousands of diapers changed and apologies made after loosing my temper at the end of a long day. Tears of a lil man's first steps and the day the twins finally learned the sound of "th" placed together in a word. It was remembering hundreds of trips to Chickfila and birthdays celebrated with the cow. Tears wept as I rocked a miracle baby girl to sleep day after day, begging Jesus to reveal Himself to her one day and pleading with Him to give me grace to trust bigger with my own too. Tears over the hunger these kiddos have to be loved and the way God entrusted them to a daddy and momma who are searching for that too. I recalled the meals I could make in my sleep and the paleo lumps that made me infamous amidst this little world that had become my calling, my people, my job, and my family through the craziness of life.

Floods of emotions and memories and struggles and joys and changes and seasons--all of which left me overwhelmed by His insane faithfulness through it all. Oh, if you only knew.

Thirty days later, here I am in continued awe of His steadfastness and my days look so vastly different. For example, in life with a 2 year old and a newborn, a successful week demanded a least 120 minutes of adult conversation to be scheduled in, for all of our sanity--and now I find myself perhaps too easily drawn away from the ones I came to visit with and find myself sitting on the floor in a pool of barbies and cars without a second thought. While 2:57pm no longer brings me to the side of the curb waiting for two big Kindergardeners to come bobbling off of the bus, that is still the time of day that my body calls for a snack--and caffeine! Funny how He allows those little reminders of His grace, reminders that He holds our days, our seasons and is fully worthy of our trust.

For those who don't know, a total chain of events only God Himself could have laid out, led me to serving as a missionary with the North American Mission Board as the International Student Ministry Coordinator for my church and a campus ministry at the University of Arkansas. If you want more details, I'd be happy to send you a newsletter or grab coffee and tell ya all about it.

Did I ever see myself here? No way.

If you told me I would agree to raising my own salary, working in ministry with college students from all over the world, and still living in Fayetteville five years after moving here I would have told you all the reasons that would never happen to me.

Praise God, that while the heart of man may attempt to plan his way, but the Lord establishes His steps. [prov. 16:9]

The four years leading up to now have taught me a deep and driving love for the nations and the students studying right in my midst from those very ends of the earth breathed out by the Creator. God knew what He was doing the very day He moved me to this crazy natural state, unbenounced to me of course. This is my dream job and then some, the story unfolding still blows my mind. It was a dream He put in me and brought to growth year after year. I'm beginning to expect Him to ask of me the very things I inform Him I will never do or be. I just picture Him, leaning back and laughing deep in His belly watching me, as I come to see His perfect plan unfold.

Oh the JOY He finds in displaying His great power through our weaknesses and lack. What a free place to be! I am so thankful that God is sovereign and yet gracious to give us His spirit and work through us!

"And the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Lord God, when through you I vindicate my holiness before their eyes….then the nations that are left all around you shall know that I am the LORD; I have rebuilt the ruined places and replanted that which was desolate. I am the LORD. I have spoken and I will do it!" [ezekiel 36]

These days, this journey just leaves me in awe. The mountain highs and valley lows, the curves and straight-aways of a gracious Father's pursuit of a wayward daughter, a daughter so oblivious to the greatness of His glory and the wholeness of His love, a trail that recounts His faithfulness and new mercies over and over and over again. Then, behold all things are new. He alone transformed this heart which was once stone. Now He satisfies and is fully worthy of my life. Billions are yet to hear of His name. How can that be?

And a block away from my front door, thousands are going from one class to the next, thousands from those very ends of the earth that haven't heard, ambassadors of gospel right here in our midst. May I daily be bold in faith and speaking the gospel to these students. I pray I will be faithful to journey on in such a manner to which His name goes forth and ends with nations at His throne, crying out in unison, "Holy, Holy, Holy…" What a day that will be. Lord, make that the lens through which I see today.

I'm raising my support right now, a whole salary from those He leads to give and see fruit increase to their credit. I'm learning SO much of His provision and gift in the body of Christ, my local church too, as the trail forges onward, pointing clearer then ever to the God who redeems and holds my all in all. The only message that brings the dead to life. And so many need to hear.

I set out on a one-hundred day journey, a goal to be fully funded by August 1st. Thirty days in, I find myself 60% funded and in awe of His provision, encouragement and affirmation that I am right where He has called me to be. It's a good thing too, because He knows I'm a bit thick-headed and slow to trust.

Join me in praying this journey will continue to make all else grow strangely dim in light of His glory and grace. Pray for the 1,500 students from 112 different nations finding out right now, they're headed to Arkansas this fall.

I plan to write more and tell the stories that make this support-raising journey so incredibly humbling. Stay tuned.

And because I so desperately miss this crew...

From the Season of Plenty

I was running with the stroller and the little graham-crakcer eating toddler the other day. He was quiet and content, for a change (these teething days are long, ya'll). There was a cool calm in the air and I saw leaves in a pile beside a bench by a pond. The wind swept across a few and they danced. Chill bumps flew up my spine and I just wanted to rest in there. In that perfect moment of tranquility and newness. I am so thankful for those moments, those glimpses of what is to come when all this hard stuff is put to an end forevermore.

The season is changing and while I couldn't much feel it as I sweated it out cleaning up our garden this morning, everything pumpkin is plastered on the wall at my favorite coffee shop and it is coming. I think that very much testifies to my life as well, in these weeks of return from India. I've pulled away--from blog world but also from community. It's been hard and needed but this week came like a wave sweeping over me. Go, go, go and lots of saying yes. I wish I would quit doing that so much. This long weekend I am coming up for some gulps of air, finally. These words decided to start writing out again, too.

Internationals are spread across this town once again and it brings me great joy. We've had a few in our Cline House already and I am blessed to see the vision which has been thought out, talked through, and prayed over these past months finally becoming something tangible. We have a big bonfire for international friends this coming Friday. It will be a packed house and Lord-willing some awesome relationships established and gospel conversations to be had. Please pray.

I finished my thesis last week, turned it in and I am submitting my application for GRADUATION in just a couple weeks. This whole college degree thing is an accomplishment I never really thought I would see come to pass in my life. After this past year of packing in those courses and often studying my life away, I am thankful and blessed to see it completed.

We're always talking about how each person you meet has more hurts and heartaches then you could ever imagine, right? And the older I get, the more I see it resonating within me. This week has been a tough one in particular for me, seeing a dear little brother wrestle through an eating disorder, a precious family from church watch their daughter disappear into a cult in Wells, TX and there is nothing they can do to rescue her from the deception of the enemy (and these men), waiting on some results of a biopsy for someone in my family, and my beloved little dog Max passed away today.

After weeping over the loss of little Max for several hours, I had to come back to life again and work in our yard with my roommates and precious man from my church who just had a desire to tidy up our yard a bit, for the big international event we are hosting next week. Our garden started off as a great, fun, save money little thing but then turned into a big, gigantic, mess of a jungle. Something I didn't realize about yard work--the lessons that arise which are also applicable to our spiritual life.

Just looking at the roots to some of the weeds we plucked out--it was unreal. Some stretched for miles it seemed, so deeply wound and growing firm, even out of straight up chunks of dirt. When I would pull one of the intricate ones out of the ground, I would just sit there and stare at it for a few moments. All I kept thinking was how unwound my roots have become. I just realize how desperately I need to be that rooted in Christ, dependent upon Him for all things.

Then we were in the garden chopping through the thick vegetation just to get our bodies through, we began to discover so many veggies and fruits! We found five watermelons we didn't even know we had hidden under all that mess. Our Okra was the size of Texas and no good to eat, but surely it could have held a few records. After filling a couple baskets with crops, I just kept thinking how plentiful this harvest had become. Without me even knowing it. It was always there--I just wasn't going out to check on it because I didn't want to get eaten by bugs or get dirty trying to climb through it.

Do you think fear, busyness, trials, pride, etc can cripple us from seeing the "harvest" before us too?

Luke 10 talks about the harvest being plentiful and the workers few, so he instructs us to pray earnestly for God send out laborers. I believe scripture is clear we all go and make disciples, yet the laboring all looks different for each of us, seasonally as well. We mustn't neglect praying, as I am often tempted to do in the midst of the doing.

When I found out my dog died this morning, as my mom is weeping into the phone with his still body in her lap, I could have stayed in my bed and cried all day. I wanted to, in fact, I still want to return there. And of course, I have every right to. After all, I have hurts and heartaches with the best of 'em.

But for those few hours this morning, I picked up the hoe and went at it because in the moment that was the cross he asked me to bear. Treasuring Mr. Mike's time and service to us in our yard, listening to him rattle on in all of his age about this and that. It was the counting even the loss of my dog joy because as I do the steadfastness thickens and I am more complete. More like Jesus and more content in Him alone. A few tears fell while plucking weeds and at some point I start laughing at my roommates talking all crazy. The sadness has come and gone throughout the day, but I chose to steer clear of my room until late, as that bed was luring me away from the hope and promise I know are already mine in Christ. I don't know where it all meets or separates, the balance of grief and rejoicing in the midst of loss, but I just know the Lord put me in that garden this morning for a purpose exceeding that of improving its appearance.

He met me there when I needed Him. And He even challenged me in the midst of a heavy harvest of international friends coming my way.

Aren't you thankful for that? Even in the midst of seasons of great trial and even loss, He ever so gently lures us more intimately towards Him and away from ourselves, even if that requires a garden full of watermelons buried away to remind us of His glory and grace.

May we continue to be filled at His feet as we labor for His glory, trusting His holy spirit to move that more may know and see. 

In Which I Move Into the Cline House & Trust Jesus More

Someone told me there were a bunch of houses for rent in this area, so I drove as the sun was sinking beyond the trees, begging God to show me just one. We had to commit in a matter hours and I just wanted something better, something a little more cookie cutter, a little more pretty, something with a dishwasher maybe? I had no idea how I would find the one, get through to the larndords, convince my roommates and get a lease signed between 8pm and 8am the next day, but somehow I knew God would show up because surely He didn't want me to have to live in this jenk one either.

Meeting the girls I would soon call roommates had been a complete God thing from the very beginning. I had been processing the coming fall and what that would mean for me. The plan had always been a fourth year of living in community and pouring into college girls through Lightbearers. God has so extensively used this ministry to encourage, challenge and equip me in my understanding of scripture and its application over these past few years, so it just seemed obvious I would now pour into "the next generation" so to speak. Wow, I feel old. As the year progressed, I began filtering much of my life through this lens of international ministry, as God has continued to require more of me all the while allowing my heart to genuinely love these students and the time I get with each of them in way only He could.

And as He would have it, around this time is when I met Kayla--at an international event of course. We only met that one time, and when I moved back into the apartments this past winter, we lived just a building away though with our schedules it might as well have been miles separating. Completely randomly, we met up and I had no clue why. She was quick and to the point, as I was baking something for an international potluck in my apartment that night. Well, I have no clue what your plans are, she said, but I have vision for a house in the fall, a house where internationals are sleeping on the couch and gathered in the living room studying the bible, after the dance parties of course.  she grinned. And I am looking for girls with the same heart that might be interested, and I thought of you.

As the words flowed from her lips, before the sentences were even formed, I knew this was why God had been interrupting my plans and allowing some doubt to linger in pursuit of the upcoming fall. Before she walked out the door, I agreed to pray for the next week, though looking back God had been preparing me for quite some time and my answer seemed pretty clear.

It wasn't easy though, as a house meant leaving this incredible apartment community that had really weaned me from milk to solid food these past three years, and walked with me close through those tough seasons, this family even bringing me into their home this year. So many who have poured into my life, who were excited to have me step into a leadership role in the fall. I had watched families grow, internationals witness the love of Christ for the first time, babies born right in those apartments and raised up in our little neighborhood. It's been where God's had me and it feels safe--so of course I've wrestled to the ground with these thoughts of leaving, of disappointing, of change, of making the wrong decision, of failing to pour out what I've recieved for the next group of girls.

There came a point where I could no longer deny the clarity God had provided in the move, so soon enough I was all in. Our third roommate, Katie, also committed and it seemed God united our hearts from day one. Then the house search began! We went to look, all three together, for the first time. We saw three houses that night and by the end of the night the first had won over my roommates. I was still convinced we could do better. With about 48 hours to decide as four other groups wanted to also pursue the same house, I had to find something quick!

Which brings me back to my mad drive around Fayetteville at dusk begging Jesus to lead me to the one. I guess someone went on ahead of me taking down every single FOR RENT sign across this darn town, because there was not one to be found--though the next day there they were once again. 

Literally. Defeated, I found myself turning onto Cline Street, the location of this silly little house that had some sort of draw on my roommates. I don't even know why I drove by. There was no magical moment in seeing it again. It hadn't grown any younger and remained dishwasher-less. I turned around at the end of the street and flipped on the radio to clear my head.

There was a song midway through and the very first words to play said "And now you're on this road that's leading you home..."

Well, okay. Okay Lord, fine, I'll just learn to wash dishes by hand. I passed that little house again with full water works, completely assured this move with these girls into this silly little brick house was exactly where God wanted me, talking to Him for hours over the sink most likely.

We called the next morning to see if we'd gotten it or if another family had won out. They said that another group offered them $100 more a month in rent then what they were asking because they really wanted that house. But, they continued, for some reason we really felt like you guys should have this house. So, we turned them down. It's yours!

And on Saturday, we moved into that silly little brick house on Cline Street.

And this morning as I was pulling out of the driveway, I couldn't help but realize how gracious the Lord has been through something so temporal--this little brick house. How He created it with TWO living rooms, a sunroom, and an awesome backyard, all of which equipped us for this vision of continually hosting international gatherings. How He provided four couches well within our budget, two of which have pull out Queen beds, as again He is bringing our vision of internationals sleeping on our couch often to fruition. How He positioned the house close to campus and within our price range. How He led this family, who aren't believers, to chose us even when offered a higher rental rate. How He provided an army to get all three of us moved in a single day or two.

It's His grace. I never imagined this silly little house could possibly teach me to ask in faith without doubting, but it already has.

And when I look back to moving day, amidst all the chaos and sweat dripping, there was a moment where I looked up and couldn't quite contain the emotion. It was when I realized our help had come from America and India, from Panama and Indonesia. Guys and girls here for this season from the nations, two I'd gotten to study the bible with this year that loved Jesus with thier whole heart, another who even offered His dad's help when I arrive in India in several weeks and didn't even know Jesus. These internationals who served us and then got to pray with us as we fellowshipped over lunch, our first little meal in this silly little dishwasher-less Cline street house where God is already at work.

All I can say is this space belongs to the Lord and so do I. Because apart from nothing is sustained and in Him is life everlasting. I am thankful for what Christ has done, what is doing, and what He is going to continue to do in and through my life, my roommates, and our little, brick, dishwasher-less house on Cline Street.

[Oh and I am learning that sometimes, it's okay to use paper plates--even if they don't match the decor.]

To the early days of the Cline House and a year of watching Christ teach us all to place more dependency upon Him, the author and perfecter, the beginning and the end, as we walk down this road that's leading us home! 

18“You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.19“You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up.20“You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,21so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above the earth.

22“For if you are careful to keep all this commandment which I am commanding you to do, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him,23then the LORD will drive out all these nations from before you, and you will dispossess nations greater and mightier than you.24“Every place on which the sole of your foot treads shall be yours; your border will be from the wilderness to Lebanon, and from the river, the river Euphrates, as far as the western sea.25“No man will be able to stand before you; the LORD your God will lay the dread of you and the fear of you on all the land on which you set foot, as He has spoken to you.  [Deut. 11]

In Which They Remind Me

I will never forget it.

We were sitting in a living room infiltrated with scents that weren't found naturally in this Western nation of ours. Some things I'd never smelled and couldn't even articulate words to describe the uptake into my nostrils if I tried. I just remember thinking it was weird. And not wanting to offend. And being scared to complete a full sentence for fear they might respond and I wouldn't be able to understand their intent covered in that thick accent. So I kept quiet and labeled it my introvert tendencies.

The truth—I was so prideful and blinded by it too.

It was my first time around internationals and I had no idea what I was doing. 

That night I realized it was my duty, my call, my loving of others to actually eat these funny smelling dishes—and smile no matter how slimy or potent as it slides on down. I can compliment bad food without a problem. This was much more a personal dilemma of—what in the world am I about to put in my mouth? But I did it. And some of it was not my flavor of choice, but some of it was the best thing I'd tasted in weeks. And I learned to give up some control.

I'd never met these middle easterners but my roommate spoke of them enough where I could easily match faces with names and tid bits of stories she'd shared. Actually, she talked about them a lot and she saw them often. They were generally students and a couple were even married and raising babies. She took them to Walmart or the doctor. She showed up when a new baby arrived and she handled all of their car troubles. I didn't see it then, but she was living life with these sojourns and she understood something I didn't. She had my attention and that night was the beginning.

That's all of us, you know. Sojourners, exiles, people not belonging yet very much here for now. 

It's so temporary? We are fooled into believing death is the end and yet it is very much the beginning of fulness or the beginning of wrath, depending. 

I've just been remembering this week as I've been asked four times in a row over the past several days, quite randomly, how it all started. It started with my roommate loving on these internationals and me tagging along.

Looking back, I see this longing for home and the way they draw me back to it. They pull me out of myself and into Christ all the more. 

It just happens. You can't even think about the chasms much because you are there to build relationship. Eating their food the way they do it, even if that means sitting on the dirt floor scooping up mush with my fingers—it never becomes normal. I used to label it sacrifice and plug it into the verses about suffering for Christ. Now it's just part of the experience—a joyful one actually. Sometimes, it's flat out hilarious.

Last week I drew out the gospel for one of my Korean friends and I remember a couple years back sitting outside of Starbucks on campus beneath the warmth of the sun as I learned how to draw that gospel cliff for the first time, how to portray the bridge lacking through which the brokenness of man might attain relationship with a perfect and holy God.

The bridge—Jesus. 

And I come full circle and realize He himself was a sojourner on this earth and in His image we were made to glorify. That is, before Eve ate the apple that whispers this is the best that will ever be, this job and salary and house and family.

Let's live it up because it might not last forever. 

Well, it won't.

So in the meantime I plan big dinners and bonfires to meet new international friends and I study the bible with a group of girls and I have these four that call me "mummy" and I create this program for more college students to get involved because it won't last forever and I want them to hear. 

I love being in these funny-smelling, what am I about to put in my mouth, smiling and nodding a lot make up for the language discrepancy, meals shared because the root of it all makes me feel so uncomfortable and I need to remember hour by hour. 

This world is not your home. Don't get too comfortable. Don't depend on the food or the conversations or the comforts that make this home because it's just a blink in comparision. Just a blink.

My international friends remind me that I'm not home yet. They keep me longing for this day where every nation, tribe, people, and language will stand before the throne of the Lamb, shoulder to shoulder, draped in white as we cry out salvation belongs only to you, oh God!

And I want them there. I want them next to me. 

So I say stupid things [a lot] and we eat together [a lot] and I make faces when I don't like their food and they complain about my food making them fat and we belly laugh [a lot] and we miss home together [a lot] and I love them [a whole, whole lot] because Christ first loved me and we tell each other this is all just a blink.

A dinner at my apartment with lots of friends...on display some legit PadThai I made!!

Three of my "daughters" (with one back in Korea)

Our bible study Valentine Celebration

Movie Night!!

On the Nations & Learning to Laugh

They teach me to belly laugh from somewhere called joy and the world looks different through this lens as the sun dances across my skin. They ask questions and I remember His goodness  in the little things. Sometimes, English leads us all astray but we know what it means to laugh and kick the soccer ball. I remember it is the quiet moments hiking through the woods together where I hear His voice speak right to my burden and the weariness fades with each step I take. Step on, daughter, step on.

I am a doer of the Word and I hear them laugh and the doing tastes sweet, like honey.

We work all day, me and my dozen. The ideas keep coming and I have to drag myself away and clean myself up. It takes two hours extra to load up the vans and yes, I am way late to my own party. So I ask her where she is from and we talk into the whole hour of lateness until it simply doesn't matter anymore and I watch the control slipping though my fingertips and I just laugh. I needed to be here more then there, just for that hour and it is good.

We make it home to the country and the crowds fan out from the big white vans and the green grass holds many tribes, tongues and nations now. I stand high and gaze out in awe for a minute. Then the to-do list kicks in and I greet and explain and smile a lot. We are here and it is happening and this is a glimpse of heaven right here in my own backyard. I was created for this, for these relationships, for these nations, for this moment right here—that together we might glorify God.

We play soccer and horse shoes and frisbe. I stand on the wobbly chair and take photos by the barn for hours. The girls love it, all of it. I try new angles and only wish I had the talent of a photographer because it is so much fun to watch the colors story-tell right on the other side of this lens. Moments captured, joy overflowing caught on pause forever. I attempt to edit later on and just laugh. So much laughter and I am lighter and God is bigger.


























The photos blur from the barn to jumping to making Egyptian pyramids and I totally forget about the hard-boiled eggs and the ropes. The three-legged race and egg toss I had planned fades with the daylight as all fifty or so head down into the woods and gather around the flames. We eat and laugh more and for some they have never experienced this before. The way a hot dog tastes crisped black right off the flame, the way the marshmallow jumps across your face and the chocolate tastes better triune. Some pack up and hike up the hill back into the city. Others linger as the darkness drapes over us and the flame is brighter. I take a picture of it and I pray my life will resemble this flame, right here in this darkness sitting around me.
For the first time in the night, I just sit and stop directing and smiling. I sit and lock eyes and remember names and majors. I sit with several from the other side of the world and we talk. We talk about the government and the hot dogs and the way humanity is born sinful. We ask each other questions because we just want to figure out why we are here on this earth, why we are sitting around this fire sharing this moment. Eventually I talk about the cliffs and the bridge that leads to the other side, the only way to God through Christ. We ponder ultimate Truth together and she tells me about confucianism and how no one is perfect so we must pick and chose truth we believe, because there are always lies. The air thickens and the darkness brings a chill.

We are interrupted and we have to hike up to the house and load up the vans once again. God is at work on this mountain, in the big white van I drive through the dark winding roads late at night—He is there too. He is. I feel it and I see it and I am so thankful. I drop of the last one and its just me and a friend heading back up the mountain and we talk about how the Word really does just reveal itself and trying to be the holy spirit is draining. She testifies to the spirit dwelling and I am thankful because we all need to remember.

The same power that conquered the grave lives here inside of me.

My international friends teach me to joy through the laughter and to recognize the light in the darkness and to take goofy photos and to wrestle through the meaning of life together and eat burnt hotdogs and to let the spirit dwell richly inside.

They teach me to glimpse heaven and stay there because it is coming and I want to laugh with them there too.