On the Nations & Learning to Laugh

They teach me to belly laugh from somewhere called joy and the world looks different through this lens as the sun dances across my skin. They ask questions and I remember His goodness  in the little things. Sometimes, English leads us all astray but we know what it means to laugh and kick the soccer ball. I remember it is the quiet moments hiking through the woods together where I hear His voice speak right to my burden and the weariness fades with each step I take. Step on, daughter, step on.

I am a doer of the Word and I hear them laugh and the doing tastes sweet, like honey.

We work all day, me and my dozen. The ideas keep coming and I have to drag myself away and clean myself up. It takes two hours extra to load up the vans and yes, I am way late to my own party. So I ask her where she is from and we talk into the whole hour of lateness until it simply doesn't matter anymore and I watch the control slipping though my fingertips and I just laugh. I needed to be here more then there, just for that hour and it is good.

We make it home to the country and the crowds fan out from the big white vans and the green grass holds many tribes, tongues and nations now. I stand high and gaze out in awe for a minute. Then the to-do list kicks in and I greet and explain and smile a lot. We are here and it is happening and this is a glimpse of heaven right here in my own backyard. I was created for this, for these relationships, for these nations, for this moment right here—that together we might glorify God.

We play soccer and horse shoes and frisbe. I stand on the wobbly chair and take photos by the barn for hours. The girls love it, all of it. I try new angles and only wish I had the talent of a photographer because it is so much fun to watch the colors story-tell right on the other side of this lens. Moments captured, joy overflowing caught on pause forever. I attempt to edit later on and just laugh. So much laughter and I am lighter and God is bigger.


























The photos blur from the barn to jumping to making Egyptian pyramids and I totally forget about the hard-boiled eggs and the ropes. The three-legged race and egg toss I had planned fades with the daylight as all fifty or so head down into the woods and gather around the flames. We eat and laugh more and for some they have never experienced this before. The way a hot dog tastes crisped black right off the flame, the way the marshmallow jumps across your face and the chocolate tastes better triune. Some pack up and hike up the hill back into the city. Others linger as the darkness drapes over us and the flame is brighter. I take a picture of it and I pray my life will resemble this flame, right here in this darkness sitting around me.
For the first time in the night, I just sit and stop directing and smiling. I sit and lock eyes and remember names and majors. I sit with several from the other side of the world and we talk. We talk about the government and the hot dogs and the way humanity is born sinful. We ask each other questions because we just want to figure out why we are here on this earth, why we are sitting around this fire sharing this moment. Eventually I talk about the cliffs and the bridge that leads to the other side, the only way to God through Christ. We ponder ultimate Truth together and she tells me about confucianism and how no one is perfect so we must pick and chose truth we believe, because there are always lies. The air thickens and the darkness brings a chill.

We are interrupted and we have to hike up to the house and load up the vans once again. God is at work on this mountain, in the big white van I drive through the dark winding roads late at night—He is there too. He is. I feel it and I see it and I am so thankful. I drop of the last one and its just me and a friend heading back up the mountain and we talk about how the Word really does just reveal itself and trying to be the holy spirit is draining. She testifies to the spirit dwelling and I am thankful because we all need to remember.

The same power that conquered the grave lives here inside of me.

My international friends teach me to joy through the laughter and to recognize the light in the darkness and to take goofy photos and to wrestle through the meaning of life together and eat burnt hotdogs and to let the spirit dwell richly inside.

They teach me to glimpse heaven and stay there because it is coming and I want to laugh with them there too.

Glimpses of Life as One of a Dozen

People often give me the doubtful, questioning, even speechless eyes when I tell them I live with a family of eleven—with me that makes a dozen of us under a roof, doing life together that all the glory might belong to the Lord.

Now, I just expect the hesitant, you are crazy eyes. But it really doesn't bother me much anymore—I just smile and joyfully explain to them how crazy life is and that I wouldn't change it for a thing. The truth of that statement has become much more true (if that even makes sense!) as the days, weeks, and months continue to pass. I cannot imagine life being any different. The flip of the calendar has in fact, taught me to love and cherish this family of eleven more then I ever could have imagined.

Over the past several weeks, there have been little GLIMPSES, little moments where I see God's perfect plan continue to be affirmed right where I am at, in the little house on the dirt road.

Like when I get home from work and a little guy runs up to me and leans in real close as he begins to tell me He accepted Christ today and I erupt with joy and praise. Or when we go around the table to affirm seven year old little one on his birthday, and he begins weeping as I tell him what a tender heart he has and how he loves people wholeheartedly. Or when the girls talk openly about the doubts and realities of life in a fallen world. Or when they get excited about something coming up and tell me I have to be there—I have to experience it with them. Or when baby boy runs into my arms when I get home from work (which has happened ONCE, making it one of these glimpses!). Or when Kevin cooks breakfast for me before I have to leave for work. Or when the boys asked specifically that I would come into their room to tell them goodnight. Or when Michelle takes me to run errands with her, even though it takes twice as long since I never stop talking. Or when I can unload the dishwasher without asking where anything goes (a rare occurrence, since things continue to move around). Or when I get to read a book to the babies as we cuddle before bed—when they will sit in my lap for JUST A minute. Or when I am trusted to drive nine precious lives in the big white van solo. Or when my friend's husband begins referring to me as "Courtney McCollum" because I was running a little bit late to meet them somewhere...I am STILL trying to figure what he's talking about??

In a large family, it is easy to get caught up in just trying to make it from one moment to the next...get everyone busy on an activity so you can get dinner going so you can get everyone to stop the activity to wash up so everyone can gather around the big wood table so we can actually hold hands without passing along dirt and snot so we can beg Jesus to sustain us, to help us speak kindly, to help us obey without anyone complaining of germs passing along through the grips shared among us all so that we can serve up a meal so everyone gets enough so we can be excused to get boys to bed and clean the kitchen so we can breathe for a few minutes so we can have more breathe to laugh at the craziness of the day so we can have even more breathe to process the trials of life so we can fall asleep with peace of mind to the quietness of nine little ones sleeping all so we have the energy to wake and do it all over again tomorrow.

Yes, this is reality. But somewhere in-between the washing up and the prayers, comes the GLIMPSE. Somewhere after the food before the last dish is put up, comes another GLIMPSE. To what exactly does this glimpse allow you to see into? The GLIMPSE allows me to see Jesus at work in these little hearts and minds. The GLIMPSE reminds me of my need for His grace, His love, His selflessness amidst it all. Through the GLIMPSE, the Spirit speaks to my weary soul and I joyfully press on.

The GLIMPSE is why I wouldn't change my life for anything, even if you look at me with those eyes.

The GLIMPSE challenges me to see Christ in all of His glory, to just get a glimpse of what He is doing here on earth reminds me of the eternity that awaits—that the challenges and suffering here on this fallen earth are worth enduring, for the glory that is to be revealed simply does not compare.

What GLIMPSE has He given you today?

3 Dozen GLIMPSES of His FAITHFULNESS in LIFE WITH A DOZEN:

Birthday Affirmation times—testify to Jesus' work in each heart

Dutch Puff—simply because it is my favorite "large family" food

Exploring nature—I see the Lord in a different way in the country 

Little brother good night hugs & goodbye waves in the morning—ahhhh love.

Late night kitchen talks with K and M—I would honestly pay for these moments and the Truth and life that is breathed into my inner place during these times. 

Reading in the chair that rocks—a comfort, I think, my favorite spot.

Ramblenising and deep conversation with sisters {after} bedtime of course—made even better when K stomps his foot on floor above, making me break into giggles. 

Mowing the grass on Saturdays—being able to serve and improve at making perfectly straight lines across the yard, no OCD though. 

Family Dinners—you just have to be there.

Washing dishes—it is my job and I enjoy it.

Kevin teaching—I always learn too.

  

Experiencing peace as I watch chaos unfold—sounds crazy, but it happens daily.

Cuddles from the babies—a rare and precious occurrence these days!

Rides in the van—made even better when everyone breaks into a song and I start looking for cameras because I fell as though I am on a reality TV show

Learning to shoot a gun—one of my frirst glimpses, actually, sweet moment.

Helping Michelle cook—learning from her in the kitchen, learning to be a wife and mom.

When eleven (perfect) voices break into song during family worship time—add in the piano and guitar for kicks—I see Jesus. 

Driving on the country roads with windows down—and music blasting.

Michelle chopping my hair off—a tangible shedding of a whole lot of my insides. 

Little boys getting into my makeup—something I always wished I could experience growing up, as odd as that sounds. 

Being able to share my clothes and jewelry—or simply have it stolen :)

Watching old movies with the girls—who find joy in all of my firsts...including the movie we are watching.

My first time on the 4-Wheeler—when Kevin took off with me on it & got the death stare from mom

When Kevin (completely jokingly) refers to Michelle as "Woman"—with a capital W!

The way this family welcomes and loves on my international friends—incredible testimony to Christ's love for each of us. 

Coming home to squirrels hanging in my closet in place of the lightbulb—and the payback that came as a result.

Sharing a room with sisters for a season—another dream come true, learned lots too.

Birthday Pancakes—the best. 

The fact that using a dozen eggs a day has become somewhat normal—wrong I think!

Going anywhere with the whole family—I find joy in being with them all.

Taking communion as a family—one of my sweetest memories.

Finding pets in the wild and attempting to domesticate them—until they die, anyways.

Building a chicken house—and the fact that it hasn't been touched in months.

Driving the big white van—and not crashing.

Little brother goodnights—nothing better. 

The heart of this family to love me as one of their own—in so many tangible and unspoken ways

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, for you KNOW that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ---James 1:2-3

City Girl Gone Country

I have always been a city girl. My early days were spent dressing Barbies, dining with my dolls, and teaching my Beanie Babies arithmatic. I loved riding my bike in the neighborhood, walking to school, and even eating dinner out on the deck every once in a while. But that is about the extent of my childhood outside of the AC or heat provided by four walls.

One summer, I got sent off to girl scout camp with my best friends for a week. The first night there I wept and wept at the thought of a spider creeping into my bed or a mosquito chomping away at my flesh. The tears didnt stop that whole week. Nothing about a week with nature much appealed to me, even as a young girl. My grandma still keeps the notes of desperation I sent her that week--pleas to come and get me. I missed my family of course, but more then anything I missed the comfort of the four walls that seperated me from the great out doors. I missed running water, food without dirt, and a clean-scented bed.

Even after coming home scarred from that experience, I never questioned my hatred of the great outdoors. My mom embraced the world of makeup, fashion, and cleanliness more then I have ever been able to mimic, yet undoubtedly her practices engrained themselves into my little girl heart as well.

I just have to laugh at the fact that God has birthed a dream and vision in my heart which would fully require not only a contentment with, but a confidence and fondness for the great outdoors in the future. I can see the sweetness of newness as a result of His resurection even in this area of my life. All things made new.
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Perhaps it is a season of prepration in more ways then ever could have prayed for, then, or perhaps just ironic that at the age of 21 God would move me to the middle of no-where Arkansas, atop a mountain with winding dirt roads brushed with chickens, cows, goats, horses, country dogs and dirt---dirt everywhere. Oh and bugs. Lots of bugs. Snakes too. Either way, I want to formally intorduce you to this city girl gone country.

I have to say, despite all the things I dislike and fear outside of those four walls, just learning to step out that door I have found unfathomable freedom in His creation. The sights are breathtaking. The air is cleaner. The stars are radiant. The peace and quiet transcends my understanding. The pace is restful. The work is purposeful. The sun peirces the coolness of my ever-wondering soul. The prayers naturally plummet from my lips. Sometimes, the wind swirls around my whole body and I know that He is God. I am falling in love with the country--and with my Savior--in ways that I never imagined possible.

He is so faithful. Faithful to renew my mind in His word. Faithful to meet all of my needs. Faithful to adopt me and call me by a NEW name. Faithful to provide a home in the country. Faithful to provide a God-fearing father and mother, teaching nine little hearts to love Him and fear Him as well. My Father is Faithful.

The Snakes are everywhere, so I learned how to shoot a gun.

Fred the frog