On Needing the Word of God in South Asia

As we pull off the cement road, several minutes from the compound, the car fumbles onto the rock as the engine quiets. The driver jumps out to open the white gate enclosing this place, like safe arms around a child. As my feet come down to meet the dirt, my eyes meet this place for the first time.

Perhaps because the poverty is becoming more normal then I would like to admit, this place radiates God's goodness and testifies to His provision immediately. It's dusted white stucco covering voices a welcome to all who approach its gate. Though inside the building you will find no comforts of the typical Western school, the presence of the holy spirit sustains.

Up to this point on the trip, I have undoubtedly fallen in love with this mountain and the people who call it home. The compound is an incredible refuge for hundreds in need. God is undoubtedly at work here—and it is all for His glory. Yet, I have not heard Him speak, not experienced the movement of His Spirit uttering beneath the breeze—not until stepping foot into this schoolhouse.

Though nothing about it seems natural or reminiscent of anything I would call comfortable, God is present and there is a need. As I toured the empty classrooms, plastered with barren walls aside from a simple chalkboard in the front, I began to ask and pray. Lord, do you really think you have prepared me sufficiently for this role in the future...me...really are you sure? What does that even mean really—how could I ever feel prepared for this? Yet your Spirit testifies—not me, not my strength.

The two or three rows of wooden benches suffice as seating for the sixty children enrolled upon conclusion of the this summer break. The five native teachers, all somewhat proficient in English, work to teach science, math, social studies, and English to these students. With vision for expansion, the introduction of a few new teachers is a must, particularly an English-speaking one.

As I wonder through the second floor of the school building accompanied by one the teachers, the question continue to flow from my tongue. All of these windows (open to the ground below)—how does it stay warm in winter? "It is very, very cold," she replies simply. The more I look around, the quicker the list in my head continues to grow, as I imagine all of the needs I see here. Some windows, real ones that protect from the great outdoors. Books, markers, DESKS, notebooks, color on the walls, a playground perhaps, even some rugs on the cement.

List fresh in my mind, I ask this teacher to share several practical needs she places at tip priority for me to make note of as well. Before I could even glance her direction she replies, "We need the Word of God."

Silence.

How does my selfish, materialistic, comfort-dirven, distracted, prideful American heart respond to such revelation? I quiet and get lost in myself as I attempt to acknowledge God's grace in my life, that I would find myself here, standing in the dirt of India, little children bowing to kiss my feet, men bowing in reverence, women who stare and smile.

In a place where I am made to be a celebrity, simply a result of my skin color and place of birth, that right here in this place of pride and fame, God would enable me to cry out for Him, "Abba Father...I do not know you. Not like these people do. Lord Jesus, I believe help my unbelief."

Change Ahead

Change has always been bittersweet for me.

The past several weeks of my life have thrown me into that place of desperate dependency. Sweet with a sting of bitter.

I spent a good amount of time enslaved to a cycle—a never-ending cycle from which I could find no relief. My time was consumed by things that mattered to me far less then the ones that did. Thus, I had a decision to make. Something had to give. Classes. Work. Lightbearers. Fellowship. Serving the Church. International Students. Grades. Future Career. Time with the Lord. Time to do simple things—like blog!!

All of that to say, I had to process through a lot. Talk through a lot. Seek wise counsel. Trust that the Lord knows what I need far better then I do, even when society is screaming in my ear that I am crazy. Even when my own blood decides I am crazy.

I made the decision to withdraw from classes for the semester. To change my major. To complete my degree through College Plus. To look for a new job that is far less demanding with better pay. To do life with a precious family of eleven. To pursue knowledge of running a home, raising babies and helping my husband, Lord willing, over the knowledge found in a classroom.

Crazy, I know. Much of my family thinks I have truly gone off the deep end. It hurts, and yet it is in that place the refinement takes place.

So I run to His word:
"Large crowds were walking along with Jesus, when he turned and said: You cannot be my disciple, unless you love me more than you love your father and mother, your wife and children, and your brothers and sisters. You cannot come with me unless you love me more than you love your own life. You cannot be my disciple unless you carry your own cross and come with me.” Luke 14: 25-27

And yet, this is exactly where the Lord wants me. I have become so very dependent on Him. And I have seen His provision in such tangible ways.

One result of my decision was financial independence for the first time in my life. Finances were not looking so good. That was the reality. Literally, I had ONE DAY to get a job. ONE DAY. If I wanted to fulfill a certain deadline, I needed to create a resume, get it out, get an interview, and get the job in ONE DAY. In my mind, I had already decided I would just take out a loan. There was no way that could all happen in one day. Realistically it was impossible.

But I had forgotten that I serve the God for whom nothing is impossible. A dear friend looked into my eyes and told me I was not going to take a loan. I was going to PRAY. I laughed at her words of encouragement. I even remember thinking…that’s great and I will, but come on…there’s no way. How naïve of me. Oh LORD, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Sure enough, the very next afternoon I got a call, got an interview, and got the job. I began my new job at Everyhing Mary this past Monday. I LOVE it. It was solely the Lord—on both my end and my employers end. What a testimony to HIS faithfulness.

So here I am currently out of school, changing my major (again), working full-time, doing life with 9 little siblings up on a mountain—and I see HIS FAITHFULNESS ALL OVER THIS. Good thing He only reveals one step of the process at a time, or else I could not handle it. This was certainly not my plan and yet, it’s perfect.  

In the midst of the chaos of CHANGE, the continual doubt which still hurls itself at me over the decisions I have made, I heard Him so clearly—it was as though He were sitting right next to me, telling me “Well done, daughter, well done.”

My time is beginning to line up so much more with the things to which God has called me. I am finishing my degree this year to honor my family. I am working a great job with sweet fellowship and great potential. I am learning from a mom of nine everything from home-schooling, to raising boys different from girls, to making laundry detergent, to the reality of adoption, to serving others and on and on. I am still a busy “mummy” to two precious girls who continue to bring so much joy. Life is changing, but He is nothing but faithful.