Life as One of a Dozen: The Beginings

PART ONE

The story of how I came from a lifetime in the city to this country house in the middle of no-where Arkansas is truly nothing short of divine interference.

I had graduated from Mercy Ministries at the same time as graduating from high school and was not about to run off to college miles away after just coming out of a troubled girls home—so living at home and going to a small private baptist school with a full-ride for tennis became my reality. As it would be, I never played a single match yet somehow school was payed for in whole. Grace? I'll take it.

After a year of learning the hard way that being a Mercy Grad did not mean I was perfected—and that going back to the same old environment as a whole new person was indeed cause for extreme battles—I decided it was time to spread those wings and fly—away, far far away.

In some God moment where I heard Him more clear then ever in my whole four years of knowing Him, on a plane ride to the mountains of Virginia, He spoke to me through Isaiah. He told me He was going before me—and behind me. He told me to go to the mountains and proclaim the good news. It just so happened that as He told me this, I glanced up for a gaze out my window and was met with a birds-eye-view of the most beautiful mountain ranges I ever had seen—the only ones I ever had seen I supposse. I got off that plane and jumped in my best friend's arms—we drove off into the mountains and I knew this was the next step. A cross country move and life in the mountains.

The next week my application was in and I was accepted. Radford nursing school, here I come. Then I jumped on a plane to spend the summer in an aboriginal village in the outback of Australia proclaiming the message of life to many who were so near death. God moved and spoke boldly to my weary heart. I came back doubting my move into the mountains—{I am not proud to say, this was mostly because of the distance that would separate me from the boy who stole my heart overseas...but that's a whole other story.} It just so happened that some finances fell through at this point, and my journey to the mountains was no more—or so I thought.

I had two weeks until school started. No where to run, no escape from the turmoil of doubting the perfection of His plans. Lord, I KNOW you told me to go to the mountains. What in the world are you trying to do here?

Desperate to escape life at home, I began applying to colleges—random random colleges. I applied to two in Arkansas. The U of A called my name immediately as everything fell into place. Aside from the fact that I knew not a sole in this city which I had yet to even lay eyes on—oh and had no place to live.

Frantically, I started calling apartment complexes searching for a one bedroom anywhere. At one of the names on the list, a man answered and we got to talking a bit. He told me they didn't have any one-bedrooms left, but they did have a discipleship program. What...wait, what did you just say? Remembering still brings a smile—none but Jesus, this I know. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief might have been something I uttered as I prepared for the unknown that was to come.

A few hours later I had applied for the program and was accepeted. A few days later we loaded up my earthly belongings and headed towards those deep Southern accents and stench of Southern grease.

As I pulled up to my new home away from home, I saw mountains, and I knew. 

Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am. Welcome to the South.

I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. -Isa. 45:2

On Taking the Road Less Traveled

Today I got a full ride to college next year.


Too bad I no longer go there.

Last week, I officially enrolled in a homeschool college program, College Plus.

Lat week, I officially left my title as University of Arkansas undergraduate student.

I honestly didn’t even think twice about it—this has been the plan for months now. I know the Lord has brought me to this point and there was no turning back—until today. 

Yes, a full ride to a school I no longer attend. Okay Lord, really? A full ride??

All I can do is laugh...then cry a bit. Lord, sometimes your sense of humor is a bit dry. 

My full ride is to the University of Arkansas, scholarship applications I had submitted back in January, back before everything about my life went in a different direction. Back before the Lord birthed within me a new vision for life—a road less traveled.

Today, I got a glimpse of the road more commonly traveled. The road I would have could have should have been on, if you ask nearly anyone in their rational mind.

Today, I might have even taken a few steps onto it, the road more traveled that is. I even found myself gazing down the path—past the twists and turns, around the bend, and over the mountain. At the end of the path, I could see many things that make sense to this people-pleasing, stay in the box, lover of control, title-driven brain of mine. A degree in hand, honors upon graduation, my whole family on their feet, so proud. A dream job working in a hospital as a dietician. Debt paid off, maybe even a ring on my finger. Babies. Lots and lots of babies. Oh, and happily ever after of course. The American dream.

And truth be told—there is nothing wrong with the end of the road more traveled.

Except—that’s not my end, not my road.

That’s not what God has called me to. That’s not His plan for my life. So, really there is something wrong with desiring the road commonly traveled, there is something wrong with dreaming the American dream.

I imagine this is as hard a post to read as it is to write, particularly for those who know me best but understand the past months of my life the least. I don’t even fully understand the past months of my life.

I've been memorizing the book of James the past two weeks--for the second time this week I am seeing God's grace in supplying His truth to meet my need. From memory, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without reproach. But he should ask in faith with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. This man should not consider he shall receive anything from the Lord, for he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." 

I don't understand what He is working behind the scenes rights now. I cannot see the BIG PICTURE. Oh, I would pay money for a glimpse. But fortunately for us, it just doesn't work that way. If I had known then that I would be here right now, I would have laughed and never seen the here and now to fruition. Praise God He only gives us one step at a time--moreso praise Him that He has every single one of our days numbered {all figured out} before we are even a day old. 


If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.       -John 15:19


Even here, in my doubt, I just have to trust THAT God. I have to put my hope in Him. The world is fleeting and failing. He is not. He chose me. He set me apart. I am a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to him. Therefore, I do not belong here on this earth. In fact, His word says I am a sojourner, a traveler on this earth. 


Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.
                                                                                    -1 Peter 2:11



So yes, sometime this week I will have to turn down a whole lot of money--free money awarded to me because I am that awesome. My flesh is really gunna hate it. Ouch. Pride always comes before the fall. Fall I must. Good thing God gives grace to the humble, huh?


But god chose the foolish things of the world to shame th wise...{not that a university degree is foolish by any means}. 

As for the road less traveled--check out my new journey which begins July 23rd. I plan to share more in the weeks to come, but yes, I am officially a student once again--reinventing college through completing my degree as a student in College Plus. Who knew a 21 year old senior in college {public schooled every one of those years} could still call herself a homeschooler, even if only for a year. 


Excited {definition: scared to death} to journey down the road less traveled, for I know His plan is perfect—even when it is yet to be revealed. 


To the road less traveled...

If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. 
                                                                                                                                         -1 Peter 4:14

Human Sex-Trafficking Awareness Day

Today is human sex-trafficking awareness day across the country.

I want to tell you a story.

A man was visiting a brothel. He was actually an undercover cop, but no one knew it. He was walking through the building, getting the lay of the land within this prominent Red Light District. As his eyes darted from room to room, corner to corner, he took up notes in his head as to the placement of everything. He knew in a few months he would be back here; the next time, he wouldn’t be undercover.

A few weeks prior, the authorities had several reports of possible cases of trafficking. It led to the discovery of a large trafficking ring, actually over 30 brothels intertwined, in one way or another. This was one of them. He was here on a mission; one which he could not act on until it could all come down at once. He was doing justice. It took time. But the payoff, well, the payoff would result in the HUNDREDS being set free.

As he finished up touring the inside, he noticed a door leading out back. He had come in broad daylight, so many of the young girls, free from the demand of their clientele, were playing outside on this sunny day. The door banged shut behind him as he took several steps out onto the back patio. His eyes skimmed the surroundings, as he immediately envisioned the troops surrounding the tall wooden fence, which currently served to lock these girls into this hellish nightmare. His plan of action was just about complete.

As he turned to head back into the darkness of the brothel, something caught his eye. Slowly, he rotated his body back in the direction of the east end of the yard. Much of the terrain where the little girls were playing was sheeted in lifeless brown grass. Then there were certain parts of the ground encompassing the fence that were simply covered in dirt. Sitting deep in the shadow of the fence, he wonders how he even noticed her. Her skin was a light hazelnut, her tattered brown curls fell well past her shoulders. She was hunched over a bit, sitting in the dirt.

He watched her for a few long moments, as his mind struggled to accept the vision seeping through his eyes. After all, this wasn’t the kind of thing they prepared you for in the force. This wasn’t the kind of thing they prepared you for in parenthood. This was just not something you would ever think you might need to be prepared for.

She sat back a bit, her bottom gently landing in the little pile of dirt that she rested on. He watched as she took the handful of dirt she had just picked up from the ground and proceeded to dump it right onto the top of her head. He watched her pale face expressionless face as she continued reaching forward and sweeping up large handfuls of dirt into her palms, and then piled it atop her curly locks of hair. It began to sweep down over her eyes, some piling up atop her sharp shoulder blades. Her white tank top was completely dusted in the russet dirt, its red undertones disguising her lighter complexion.

After an hour or so, of just being glued to that spot, one of the girls who had been playing with a ball walked over to the man. She followed his eyes which were still glued to the little girl covering herself in dirt. She tugged on the bottom of his shirt, breaking his trance and getting his attention. He looked down at her, her big brown eyes gazing up at him. Broken from his state of denial, he hesitated before proceeding to ask the childlike teenage girl what exactly that young girl was doing over there by fence.

Having already seen the child of whom he was speaking, the girl refused to unlock her eyes from his. She solemnly replied, looking straight into his eyes. "She was taken from her maw when she was five years old.  She eight now. She new here. Last night, madam asked me to take her upstairs and get her ready for her debut. Her whole body, it was shakin’ as I applied the pink blush and dull lipstick. I tried to tell her she had to stop those tremors or they were gunna beat on her, but she couldn’t. I sat outside the whole time.  I talked to her afterwards, told her it was all gunna be okay. Her mind seemed to be somewhere else. 

Now she over there trying to bury herself in that dirt pile. She done can’t handle the pain. She tryin to go on disappearing. I guess we all try to one way or another—you have to to make it round here. She just out here makin it happen in the physical."
He stood, perfectly still, the tears pouring down his cheeks, as he realized that this one, this precious little girl, did not have enough time for him to do justice. What if this was his daughter? He could not wait a month, a year, for the go ahead to save the hundreds. This ONE would not make it til then. The ONE needed him today, right now. He was overwhelmed by mercy. As he began striding towards her dirt pile in the corner of the yard, he decided that in this moment, right now, SHE mattered more then the hundreds.

Let’s rise up and come together to make a difference for the ONE today.

Not all are called to jump on the next flight to a trafficking hub across the globe, nor are all called to commit years to the pursuit of these girls freedom. However, we ARE each called to “Learn to do good, seek justice, help the oppressed, defend the orphan, and plead for the widow.” Isaiah 1:17 We are called to share the hope to which we have been called. We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. We are called to lavish grace and mercy and love upon those in need.

You might not ever see one of these precious girls face to face, but just imagine all the eyes she might look into—and into the brokenness she can speak of a God who met her right there, a God who made her new. She can share of HIS love and grace and redemption in her own life. Let us rise up, generation, let us fight for these beloved daughters of our Daddy.

What that looks like is different for each of us. I pray that the Spirit would lead you to rise up according to His glorious will. Here are some resources that offer lots great ways to unite in pursuit of freedom for these women and children.  

The A21 Campaign

http://www.thea21campaign.org/21-ways-to-help.php

The Not for Sale Campaign

http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

The Polaris Project

http://www.polarisproject.org/human-trafficking/overview

International Justice Mission

http://www.ijm.org/

Mercy Ministries of America

http://www.mercyministries.org/sextrafficking/

The Home Foundation

http://abolitioninternational.org/

International Crisis Aide

http://www.crisisaid.org/

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jer. 1:5

For the 27 Million

Did you know that over 27 million people are living enslaved in the world right now?

27 MILLION PEOPLE.

ARE SLAVES.

IN 2012.

What do you do with that?? I honestly don't know. Here is what I do know—each of those 27 million matter. They are someone’s daughter, sister, brother, father, son, friend, aunt. Each of these individuals were created in the image of God—they matter to Him.

This year, Passion 2012 has begun to peel back the curtain and allow 40,000+ college students to see the reality of modern day slavery. In the span of just 72 hours, these broke college kids have given over THREE MILLION DOLLARS to fight the enslavement of brothers and sisters from the city of Atlanta (where the conference is being held) to the ends of the earth.

Louie Giglio, John Piper, Beth Moore, Francis Chan, and Christine Cain are coming alongside Hillsong, Chris Tomlin, David Crowder Band, and Lacrae to bring Truth from God’s word and time to worship and praise His glorious name. This is the first year I have not gotten to be at Passion in real life, but I have been blessed to watch it all via simulcast this week and the Lord seems to be breaking my heart for His enslaved children all over again.

Praise Him, that He would give me a hope and a future beyond my past—oh, I do not deserve it. And He will do the same for them.

As I have been listening to these men and women speak the Truth which has been placed upon their hearts, I consistently see a theme which is this:  who am I, that HE would CHOSE ME?? And yet, in His floods of grace and mercy, He has done exactly that. He has called each of us to proclaim with boldness the Truth that sets the captives free. And yes, that was us—that was me—apart from Him, that still is ME.

The line between us and them is getting slimmer and slimmer for me. The line between the 27 million and myself, that is.

This week the reality of slavery has resonated in my heart deeply. Lord, why not me? Why was I born in America, in the land of the free? Why was I not sold for money as a little girl? Why did you guard my life in such a manner? Why am I able to afford an education? Why do I have freedom to follow after you?

This week, my “daughter” has gotten to come home with me to St. Louis. As we have spent lots of time with my family and friends, there have been many questions she must answer over and over again. The fact that she is from South Korea has consistently brought up questions and discussion about the recent death of the dictator in North Korea. It was through these conversations I realized just how real this 27 million really is.

Sometimes, I think it is easier to ignore the world outside of my own (which has enough problems of its own) then to even attempt to rationalize the enslavement across the ocean.

In North Korea, men, women and children are starving to death. If a man or woman does not express their deepest sorrow at the loss of their dictator by shedding tears, they will be imprisoned. There is no way out—they cannot escape the borders of the land. Not by place, train, car or even by foot. From edge to edge, they are walled in. Women and children are being sold into the trafficking ring for $40 so that their families will not starve. In fact, women are selling themselves—selling their bodies for food. Over 80% of North Korean refugees are victims of human trafficking in China. There is no option to worship freely—men and women must raise their children to place all of their hope in a man on a throne, a sinner at that. All of their hope is in a man who busies himself with training up an army while his own people are being bought and sold, oppressed, and dying of hunger. My brain begins to shut off. Then it hits me—

Had my precious, beautiful “daughter” been born merely an hour north, this would be her that we are talking about. Starving. Selling her body night after night. Sold for a few dollars. Unable to escape. Hopeful in a fallen humanity. Enslaved. A matter of minutes difference, and this would have been her. All of a sudden, the oppressed people of North Korea are not so distant and no longer can I ignore their enslavement.

The 27 million people enslaved in our world today are not just a number we read about—she is someone’s daughter, of great worth in the eyes of our heavenly Daddy.

So now what...how do we even begin to combat the enslavement of 27 million??

I don't kow. I am wrestling through that myself.

However, of this I am sure:

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." -Ephesians 5:14

 

Biblical Community

Rachel, Me, Ashley, Marisa

A new year brings new roommates!

I am so incredibly blessed to be apart of Lightbearers Discipleship Program once again this year. Lightbearers enables students to live in biblical community for the school year, be apart of a discipleship class (Systematic Theology this semester) once a week, give rent money to fund mission in the 10/40 window, and go serve in one of those countries on a mission trip at the conclusion of the year.

Living in biblical community with like-minded believers is such a gift. I think I have come to appreciate it even more after realizing the extent of the darkness hovering over my college campus this past year. As I begin another year of shining light in the darkness through how I live my life, there is nothing like coming home to a safe place where I will be both challenged and encouraged by friends and sisters in Christ as we continue to spur one another on in our walks.

Rachel, Ash, Me and our PRECIOUS house leader Jill!

First is Rachel. After living together last year, I feel like I know her in and out. Yet there are those times when she still leaves me speechless. She has a crazy life—I don’t think I have ever met anyone with so much going on at once. But one way or another, she always finds a way. I love her boldness—and appreciate her wisdom, obtained over years and years of hearing the Gospel. She has grown so much this summer. Lately, she has challenged me to be in the Word without even talking about it—just by living her life. The other day I heard her talking about studying for discipleship class and I had yet to even realize there was anything to study in the first place—she is on top of it. Her hunger for God’s Word is refreshing to my soul. I know it is solely the Lord who placed us together once again—it excites me to walk out another year with this precious friend and sister in Christ.

Marisa and Ashley putting together one of four shelves!

 Then there's Marisa! She is a busy girl! I hope we will get to spend lots more time together this year. I always think I have her figured out…and then she leaves me realizing just how little I really know about her. But I think this is something that draws others to her. She has a passion for life—I pray that she will experience all that life is intended to be. Marisa just started her first year of beauty school…and guess who she gets to practice on?? What a blessing free facials, massages, hair-playing, eye-brow plucking, etc will be!! There is no way you could not be friends with this girl…she is a social butterfly and loves getting to know new people, a trait I often wish came naturally for me! She has walked through a lot in her life but none of it has been in vain…oh what a powerful testament to God’s faithfulness this girl is going to share in the future.



Seperated at birth...can't you tell??



This is Ashley. I don’t really know how to explain her, aside from the fact that we were separated at birth and reunited twenty years later. Another one of ME—a scary thought, I know! Ashley has a heart for people—all kinds of people—a unique ability of making anyone feel right at home. She is hungry for Jesus—and willing to give up anything in her life to obtain more of Him. Is this not where we all desire to be? She has walked through some tough stuff in her short life, yet the Lord has been faithful to draw her to Himself through it—that He may receive all the glory. After spending just over a week as roommates, we already have a list nearly a page long of everything that we have in common. We both fall asleep within the first ten minutes of movies—I have never met anyone else with this unique ability! One my favorites is that we have this language with our eyes—we can totally read each other without words—the best part is when we’re in a group and we just bust out laughing at something the other one “said” via eye contact…people probably think we’re crazy, but that’s okay. Simply by living her life, she challenges me to know Christ more—to study His Word and to be on my knees, to be a lover of people—especially when it is outside of my comfort zone. It is both a joy and blessing to live with this girl and do life together.

I don’t think I will ever realize what a privilege it is to live alongside these sisters in biblical community. Living together as four young women is no easy feat let me just tell you—but at the end of the day, come trial or joy these girls are in my life and by the grace of God we will all walk away from this season of life looking more like Jesus. These sweet sisters have already impacted my life—my walk with the Lord and I am blessed.

Praying this over our house this year…that the Lord would bring darkness to light, cleansing our hearts and minds in His Truth as we lift one another up in prayer and words of Life!

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” -1 John 1:7

Check it Off the List

Week ONE of college…check.

Multiple To-Do Lists daily…check.

Two more things to add to the To-Do List for every one checked off…check.

Color-coded planner with tests, meetings, and events for semester…check.

Non-stop days and late nights (yes…past 10pm!)…check.

Moving furniture and decorating room...check.

Multiple Walmart trips a daily…check.

Saturday farmer’s market…check.

Chemistry homework up to wazoo…check.

In LOVE with dietetics classes…check.

Catching up with old friends and making many new ones…check.

Spending precious time with roomies…check.

Trying out new ministries and a new church…check.

Anticipation of Razorback football in the air…check.

Getting that miserable stuffy-nose, sore throat sickness…check.

Keeping up with blog-world and uploading pictures………..working on it!