For the Fatherless

Did you grow up with a man to whom you cannot even grant the title father? When you think about the deep hurts and heartaches of your life, do you see the man whose genes and curse you bear?

Do you know that you are not alone? Actually wherever you are today…out to dinner, at a movie, standing in line at Walmart—half of the women around you can speak the same story. Coming from that place myself, let me tell you there is hope and freedom—only in Christ Jesus.

I often write about my daddy issues like over HERE, over HERE, over HERE and over HERE. Mostly because I think too many girls know the horrific pain, apart from the transformational hope. The church fails to meet the need, more often then acknowledging it. But men and women who fear the Lord—there is an overwhelming need of daughters without dads. And I guarantee they are sitting next to you in the pew every week.  

When I was a little girl, my dad did not protect me. When I was a young girl, my dad hurt me. When I was a teenage girl, my dad taught me I could not trust men. As a woman today, I am a mess!

Since knowing Him, God has strategically surrounded me with men who fear Him—and love me as He does. Yet the wounds from my past run deep, infection spreading to many areas of life, areas which I am yet to fully identify. I suppose He had the plan all along—He knew I needed gentleness and the flipping of the calendar in the way fatherly figures would pursue me. But then, at the age of twenty-one, He decided it was time for me to actually live beneath the very authority from which I have spent a lifetime running.

I just have to laugh. Laugh until I cry is more like it.

I watch the way he serves his wife, the way he disciplines his children because his love for them drives him to action. I watch him work hard to provide for his family, then come home and raise his boys while holding his girls’ hearts all at once. I notice the way he pursues his woman, honoring her in his thought and deed. I know that he fears the Lord more then anything else, and this is the only authority in his life. I know that by the grace of God in his life alone, he is different from the man whose genes I carry. So why is it so incredibly hard to believe it?

As I begin to see my heavenly Daddy through the lens of my spiritual one, the enemy continues prowling at the door, a roaring lion, ready to attack.

He tells me not to allow this adopted dad into my life. Fearful, my heart still jumps in my chest when he gives me a side-hug goodnight along with the rest of his daughters. I get so mad at myself too. I often think to myself—how could you, in your great power and love, still allow me to crumble in the consequences of decisions that were not even mine? Daddy, will you ever heal my brokenness?

Yet little do I notice, as the weeks and months pass, in the process of being made new, with great patience the way this spiritual mom and dad love me and protect me and counsel me is piercing through the stone in my heart. Sometimes I find myself wanting a hug goodnight. Though I often expect to be hurt upon making myself vulnerable as I hesitate to reveal my sin, fears, insecurities—he doesn’t hurt me. Actually, he often unloads the weight from my weary soul. That scares me too---is this also God’s desire in my life? Often times I find myself quiet, fearful of saying too much, requiring too much attention. When I do speak though, he is attentive and seems interested, even in the silly little things that don’t require deep conversation. Sometimes, I really just want to listen to him—to gather around the table and talk about the day, about life, about anything.

The Lord is like a Father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. Ps. 103:13

I am learning that so often I still see the Lord through this lens of my earthly dad. I know that He is not him, but I can’t help it. My adopted dad—he is wrecking all of that. Just by allowing me to come beneath his authority and his home, day after day he is peeling back layer upon layer of hurt, deception, and a perverted view of my Heavenly Daddy. As I begin to trust him little by little, my trust in and desire to proclaim the love of Christ is changing my world. I am in awe of God’s grace in my life that he would choose me, allow me for this season of time to draw closer to Himself, to the true and undefiled Him, through relationship with this father he has provided in His grace alone, for me. Even as I soak in this picture, I know my heavenly Father’s love so intimately, more so then before.

There is power in the way I am becoming aware of the perversion which the enemy has built up over the years, in the way I have consistently, subconsciously, sometimes unknowingly known and related to my Heavenly Daddy through the lens of my earthly one

So, here I am an adult woman, with this adopted dad who protects me, who loves the hurt right out of me, who is restoring trust. I sit and write as the tears flow, seeing the Father’s faithfulness in spite of me overwhelms.  

I do not understand the process. All I know is that you don’t get from point A to point Z in a day—in a year. This season, I am working on point A to point B. And that is about all I can handle. Which of course, the LORD knows—and never will He give you or me more then we can handle, yet always He will provide a way out for us to stand up beneath. That is GOOD NEWS. Hello GRACE, oh how my dependency is in you. I will submit to the PROCESS!!


Ask the Lord will provide you a spiritual dad to fill in the gap. Pursue it. Practice submitting to the authority of a God-fearing couple. It is so freeing, even for a control-freak like me! Do life with them. There is only so much us fatherless women can learn from a book. Ask that God would reveal areas which your view of Him is not accurate. Trust that He is the perfect Father--He will never fail you or forsake you. Stand on guard against the enemy. Praise the King, that He has overcome the world!! Rest in the process...little by little, all in His grace and patience. 

27“I will send my terror ahead of you and throw into confusion every nation you encounter. I will make all your enemies turn their backs and run. 28I will send the hornet ahead of you to drive the Hivites, Canaanites and Hittites out of your way. 29But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. 30Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.

                                                                                             Exodus 23:27-30