On the Day I Committed These Feet to Go Anywhere

By the fourth day, my brain seemed to have reached its capacity. I was sure I couldn't possibly pack away one more page of notes to take home and soak in. The room was packed full and my hair was in a ponytail. I went for a run during the lunch break that day, just begging the Lord for several miles to allow this flood to sink in. I asked Him to just show me what in the world all of this means for me?

Going into this missions conference, I knew very well what would likely happen. God would stir up my love for the nations and it would boil over with me boarding an airplane and heading off to the next place where people need to hear, tomorrow preferably. And surely, I wouldn't come back. I knew it would lead to my withdrawal from nursing school and an early termination of my lease. The night before the conference, I cried at the thought of giving up my little dog.

For about three years now, I believe God has been moving my heart towards the nations.

Opening up the conference, Piper asked "Is it God's worth or man's rescue driving you here? God's glory or man's soul?" He explained that the catechism should use the word IN instead of AND. That the chief end of missions should be the supremacy of God IN the joy of all peoples," as he re-phrased it. "And becomes in because you dare not choose between the two," he concluded.

And it opened up an area of my heart that I didn't know existed.

It's always been about the souls for me. It's been about faces and names and hell forever. Or not. A simple choice between life and death, one that I knew about. One that I needed to tell about, in hopes that a life might be spared eternally. And it's legitimate, of course. And yet, it has been much more dependent upon me then the Lord. Me needing to go, me needing to speak the language, me needing to give up a whole lot, me needing to win over the souls to avoid everlasting death for that smiling face which I had come to love.

But that's not really accurate. It's so much bigger. And it's nothing of me.

As one South African pastor shared, "The big problem here isn't translation of bibles. The problem is the wrath of God against us." Or as Kevin DeYoung said, "People who haven't heard the gospel ever, aren't condemned because God is bad...they're only condemned because they're sinners and the wrath of God wrests on them."

I don't often enough praise Jesus for standing between me and the wrath of an almighty God (that I deserve). And I offer freedom from sin in the gospel conversations I get to have, but often neglect discussion of his wrath upon that individual apart from the intervening of Christ.

I had never experienced a particular draw to the 6,000 unreached people groups in this world prior to this conference. But as God continues, even now, to guide me, I can honestly say I would go anywhere for Him.

"...I make my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, but as it is already written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand...'" (Rom. 15:18-25)

Is it me wanting to save the world or God's glory? 

The speakers continued to bring up areas of Calvinism that might detour us away from missions. Some might think "well, if God has already chosen who will be saved and who will not, what's the point of going to share the gospel?"

But then I ask, why would you go UNLESS some HAD been chosen by God? 

Kevin DeYoung put it best in saying, "Election gives you confidence in the sufficiency of God to do the work. Definite atonement is in fact better news for bigger glory!"

Man's rescue or God's worth?

And then the Lord began to tie some strands together for me. These people, these men and women are out there. Right now. Set apart before they were born! And if I trusted Him to save ME, then how could I not trust Him to lead me? Even if it means resting in the great commission...

"And the gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." (Matt 24:14)

David Platt concluded the conference on the last night. He commented that there are two billion people whose knowledge of God is only sufficient to damn them to hell. They've never heard of Jesus, Savior. He walked through Acts 13 talking about Paul's missionary journeys. He reminded us of the importance of a home body of supporters, the value of the goers, and the promises of God that alone sustain the stayers. He showed a map of the reached areas on each of Paul's journeys. And then one of modern day. The impact of this one man, hundreds of years later is unreal.

I thought right away, Lord just make me like Paul.

But then I remembered what Paul says to the church at Corinth for example, "When I came to you brothers, I did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you expect Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."

And it was sitting in this dark room with thousands of my peers, as Romans one to eight was being read off, and God was speaking to me, that I knew undoubtedly for the first time that His glory was driving me to commit my life to making the gospel known, wherever.

So at the end of the hour, as he had promised in the opening, Platt asked anyone in the room who knew God had begun this work in their hearts to be a stayer overseas to stand up. There was no hesitation for me. I stood with a few hundred others and was prayed over, encouraged, and challenged to go back to my church family and share what God was doing.

This past Sunday I got to stand up before my church family. They prayed and we worshipped. I praise Jesus for these people. The way they come around me and intercede on my behalf. The excitement they have shared in getting to send me. It is such a gift.

I pray that one day I can share with some college student contemplating God's calling of them to the mission field, of all the glory he has received as He's allowed me to spend years knowing nothing but Him wherever He might send me.

"So even to old age and gray hairs, O God do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come!" (Ps. 71:18)

God used these four days at CrossCon to solidify that working which only His holy spirit could muster, and I am so thankful. And don't worry, I'm not leaving tomorrow. And Winston isn't up for grabs just yet either.

After the final night, exhausted and thankful

I never, ever would have imagined I would get the privilege of saying yes. I never planned it out. I never even dreamed it. He is just doing it. And all I can do is trust His leading and promise Him I'll follow Him anywhere for the sake of such glory which belongs to Him anyway.

I've loved Jesus for seven years now. But I don't think it is until now that I have really counted death gain. (Phil. 1:21) And it is setting me free from fear of anything. He is what I want. It's ALL grace.

Though most of my Arkansas family has gotten to share in this excitement, I wanted to share with the rest of my friends and family as well!

So practically, what does this look like? For me, right now--it looks like a whole lotta studying and a whole lotta long hours in the hospital learning how to be a nurse. The Lord used five different people in four days to confirm the desire He gave me to pursue my nursing degree. I am praying that if the Lord would lead me to a closed country, the nursing degree will be my ticket in. I am also trusting that He could allow me to use it to sustain myself financially overseas in the future. And lastly, that such studying and acquired skills would be a blessing to any people group He leads me to. And of course, precious time to share the gospel while stitching up wounds!  

Please join me in praying three things:
1.)  That He would provide an awesome, bible-teaching, missions-minded church in St. Louis where I can plug in, be equipped, and eventually sent!
2.)  That as some of this "high" fades and day-to-day life kicks in, I would continue to find great joy in His presence.
3.) That as my time in Arkansas comes to a close, I would get spirit-led opportunities to continue sharing in Jesus and relationships with my international friends--and that I would be able to leave well.

"How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed  And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!'" (Rom. 10:14-15)

A Humbling Welcome

Today we finally arrived in H. V. After a five hour drive into the mountainous villages, we winded down that final curve & suddenly I saw the cement wall surrounding the compound. As we maneuvered carefully through the gates, my eyes met nearly a hundred pairs of hope-filled little eyes, white teeth all showing and glimmering in the sunlight.

"Please get out," he offered "the children would like to welcome you, sisters."

We exit the car as my feet meet this mountain dirt for the first time, I know this is a special place immediately. A handful of young girls pull forward from the rest, walking towards us with speechless joy and a bit of trepidation in their unsure eyes. In their hands they each carry a beautiful necklace made of real flowers stung together. As I bend down that this little one might place it over my neck, I have no words—no way of even beginning to replay this moment. As I rose up to my full stature, this little one, she bowed down and kissed my feet, all covered in black dirt. I don't know how else to hold back the tears but to girn. So I look into her innocent eyes and shine my white teeth, locking my eyes upon hers until she finally rises, mutters something quickly and then scurries back to the group.

My heart is humbled. Who am I? Just this selfish, prideful, rich, spoiled, materialistic, needy, comfortable American. Yet here is this little girl kissing my nasty, soiled feet. Oh Jesus, I am so unworthy. Yet still in your great mercy you love me enough to show me through this precious little one.

We continue to walk forward, deeper into the compound in this parade of over-joyed spirits and songs of praise. My eyes glimmering as I struggle to contain myself. Are we really here?? Jesus, is this home for more then a week or two?

The women standing outside the house in the back of the compound greet us with hard handshakes (something culturally unexpected from the women) and desperate joy engrained upon each and every wrinkle on etched upon their faces. As we near the doorway of the house, I see the wife of the home waiting. We greet her warmly and she receives us into her home immediately. She is beautiful and her gentleness indicative of her servant-hearted spirit from the moment we first meet. I long to know her deeply.

These people are radiant. Regardless of the amount of time the Lord allows me to spend here in this happy valley, my life is already messed up because of my time in this place, among these people so in love with you Lord. Thank you Jesus for brining me here.

"Those who look to the Lord are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." ---Psalm 34:5.

South Asia: A Sneak Peak

Two weeks in South Asia ended in touching American soil last Sunday. After 30 hours of flying, a couple days at a cabin in the country with my adopted family, four days of battling strep throat, officially moving out to the country (while sick), a weekend of traveling to St. Louis and seeing friends and family going non-stop, another 5 hour drive back, here I am...back to "normal" life in Arkansas. This past week has been a blur.

The only abnormal thing lingering still—waking up with the sun. Oh, the joys of jet lag.

I miss India. So much.

I often find myself drifting off, allowing my head to go back to India, only wishing my body could go with it. But I will trust in Jesus—in the perfection of where He has me right now, in the perfection of His plan. I know He is good and He is faithful. He did crazy things during my 2 weeks on the other side of the world. He revealed Himself to me in ways I could have never even begged for because I simply didn't know even my own need—but He did.

The simple summary of this foreign land:  the most dirty, impoverished, colorful place I have ever laid eyes on.

The not so simple summary of India:  to be continued.

I wrote a lot during my two weeks abroad and look forward to sharing more about my time in South Asia in the days and weeks to come.

For all of you supporters and prayer warriors, all I can say is how incredibly thankful I am for you. Keep praying for the beautiful yet broken people of this nation...that they might know the ONE true Lord God.

Pray that they might know His grace above all else. Pray that we might all know it, really.

Beautiful...feet?

Have you ever thought about---your feet?

I mean, you couldn’t get anywhere without them. Think about all of the places your feet go…all of the shoes that contain them…all of the stuff they come in contact with. Once in a while you might even paint your toes to give them some character.

Despite the practicality of my feet for getting me from here to there, I don’t pay them much attention—not compared to my makeup, hair, or clothing. If someone were to ask my what my greatest trait was, I probably wouldn’t respond by saying my feet. I mean, I don’t know about you, but it’s not everyday someone just raves over how incredible they are or how good they look in those shoes. 

And yet, scripture references our feet by saying, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Romans 10:15

Beautiful? MY feet? Let’s just say that’s not exactly how I would phrase it. Not to mention, when I think about it—this verse reads the same for the woman in Ethiopia walking miles on bare feet to get a bucket of water for her family, or the child running from his enslavement as a child soldier whose feet are blackened by frost bite after he trudged through the snow last winter. What about the soldier who lost his foot in battle? Surely, these feet could not be beautiful?

What is Jesus really talking about here? What could make the Ethiopian traveler, young boy, soldier and me all behold such beauty—in our feet?

Beautiful Feet Are:

1.) Missional Feet—are your feet moving with a purpose aside from meeting an immediate need? Are your feet prepared to fulfill the call each day? Are you continually strengthening and refining your walk, that you may have endurance to sprint for days? Your feet are beautiful when they walk past your own needs straight unto another’s.

2.) Gospel-Saturated Feet—with the message of Christ, these are extraordinary feet. Are your feet soaking in the water of Life each day? Are the wrinkles multiplying? Your feet must trudge through some desert lands here and there—are you soaking them enough?

3.) Washed Feet—we have all read scripture depicting Jesus’ washing of His disciples feet. This was an act of utter humility. Just by knowing Him intimately we get to experience the perfect washing—by the blood of the Lamb given that we might be presented clean and pure, washed white as snow. Enslavement to sin has been loosed forever…oh what beautiful feet!

4.) Willing Feet—your feet do NOT go where you do not want them to go…your feet go where you tell them to go! What is in your heart? Are you willing to go where the Lord leads—will you follow His will for your feet today? Will you share the gospel with the woman smoking outside Walmart? Will you invite the kid that everyone ignores in your class to join your discussion? Will you bring dinner to the new mom that lives next door? Will you walk into battle ready to fight—will you know Him more?

5.) Feet that Belong to Another—Is Christ more beautiful to you then anything else in this world? This is why your feet are beautiful. We are completely incapable of keeping God’s law! Do we understand our need for a savior? Feet are beautiful because they represent a redeemed and transformed life because of Jesus Christ. MY feet ARE beautiful—because they belong to Him, not by anything that I can boast of, but solely by grace through faith—what a Savior, what a God.

Where will your beautiful feet go later today? Tomorrow? Next week?

Do others behold the beauty as your feet approach?

Oh what beautiful feet we have—saturated like the woman wondering through the Ethiopian desert, Missional like the little boy who trekked through the snow to escape capivity, willing like the soldier who lost a limb in saving a comrade, washed by the blood like mine, the sinner in desperate need of this humbling bathing daily.

All of these feet belong to another—so yes, all of these feet are beautiful.