On Being Blessed {A Synchroblog}

Facebook is my own worst enemy these days, plastered with engagement rings and lil ones. Sometimes, it makes me wonder.

Wonder who my husband is...when and where and how I will meet him. Wonder how I will know he is the one God chose for me all the way back in the womb. I wonder if there is a husband in my future? Or if I'm the exception. I wonder if He's really equipped me to be content if so. I wonder how I will know.  I wonder what my babies will look like. How many the Lord will give. Whether I will carry them in my womb or carry them home on a plane.

Sometimes, the wondering is a slippery slope...pulling me out of the here and the now into a reality that has not been promised.

But more often then not, the wondering is a blessing.

 It is a reminder that my life is not really my own, even now when it is just me living it. That the act of the will which must align with Truth is not for nothing—Romans 12 has a greater purpose then simply what it does in me. That training myself to flee from sin, to renew my mind, to walk by the Spirit--that it is not solely about my own entanglement being loosed. Avoiding the entanglement & breaking free brings life—and life abundantly, also for the generations to come.

At the end of it all, the wondering gives me vision of the hope and the future that He promises. Even on the days that feel so hopeless, in the moments where the future seems too far to matter—the wondering somehow lures me back to hope in something more. It calls me to fight. To hold fast in the valleys and soak in the mountains.

Before salvation, I never knew opposition to sin. Surely, I was enslaved to it, but not opposed. In fact, my life revolved around pursuit of it. But I was in opposition to God. Today, it is the opposite. Yet, I have never thought of the consequences of such a shift--no longer an enemy of God, but now an enemy of sin. No wonder the battle is so demanding, so tough some days. 

Sometimes, I wonder what my life will be like in a year, in ten years. Sometimes I wonder what my babies will look like. Sometimes I wonder if my daughter will live freer then me. Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to raise one—or a dozen.

Some days, I am convinced I will never be prepared—to submit to a man when I struggle to submit to Christ. To raise babies of my own, when I struggle to patient with the lil ones in my house now. To wait on His perfection, when I am so busy striving for my own.

Everyday, I know that apart from Him I am a disaster. With Him I am one too. Without Him life is just too messy, too hard, too much--so I will remain a slave to the Spirit, to Christ, the risen One in whom I am blessed.

Today, I am blessed to hear a sermon on Romans 7. To take comfort in the battle that rages in my mind, the way it is no different from Paul's. I am blessed that he had the guts to be honest about it. I am blessed that His testimony gives me hope today.

Listen close, self. In the wondering—listen for His voice.

It is humming softly always, Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me. 

But today, I am blessed because of the hope and future that draw so near in the wondering.

I am blessed to be living the hope and the future right now, too.

I am blessed, even when it seems the new hymn is stuck in the old flesh.

I am also blessed to read these words Emily writes over here. Check her out because you will love her too. She has a book coming out soon...you can pre-order it here! 

Headed to South Asia!

In less than 3 months I am headed overseas...FINALLY!!!

It is with great fear and excitment that I am anticipating this trip. This excitment is overwhleming. The fear is paralyzing. Combined makes for an interesting thought process the past few weeks.

The fear is that I won't ever want to come back to life in America. It is easy to say in anticipation but impossible to deny once I know. That place of wisdom brings great fear. Praise be to the one whose perfect love casts it out.

The excitment is found in that reality--that I will continue to fulfill the role for which I was created, glorifying Him in South Asia.

Here is a letter I sent out to family and friends about my trip:

I am writing to share a brief update on life here in Fayetteville, as well as to extend an invitation to support me both financially and prayerfully for my upcoming mission trip this May.

Since returning to Fayetteville this past fall to continue my studies at the U of A, I have found my “home” among the international students on campus this year. The majority of my time that is not spent working at the hospital or studying for organic chemistry is spent hanging out with my two “daughters” and their friends. I am a part of a program on campus, where I get to host two international students, both of whom began calling me “Mummy” within hours of our first meeting. Both of my girls are here studying for the year, one is from South Korea and the other is from Tunisia. Watching them experience American culture for the first time has been hilarious at times, moments I would not trade for anything. We have laughed a lot—and cried, just a little family doing life together. Their personalities differ greatly, and each have taught me and challenged me in ways that I never expected, yet God knew exactly what He was doing in putting us together, and I know I have only seen a glimpse of His plan.

I have also been blessed to spend another year as part of Lightbearers Discipleship Program. As a part of the program, I have experienced the great joy, messiness, and refinement of living in biblical community with my three roommates. I am also being mentored individually, and attending a discipleship class weekly, where seasoned teachers of the Word are walking us through Applied Theology this semester. In addition to my rent money going to fund missions work in the 10-40 window, at the close of school in May, I will be going with my roommates and several others to serve in South Asia for two weeks.

As God has really begun to burden my heart for the nations the past year or two, the anticipation of this trip is growing daily. I am praying that God would use this as a springboard in my life, showing me more of what my future calling to serve overseas in a long-term capacity upon graduation might look like. I am excited to serve these people, to learn about their culture, to do daily life with them, being refined by their humility and faith in the process. This year, my faith has been challenged from learning about Jesus’ heart for the nations—and I am excited to experience His love for His sons and daughters across the world in a tangible way.     

 Lightbearers has several global partners located in South Asia whom we will be encouraging and assisting with what they are already doing in this region. We will be spending time serving in an orphanage as well as getting to know the people, many of whom rarely see a white person. We will have opportunities to testify to God’s faithfulness in our own lives, preaching the Gospel to a people hungry for Truth. In addition, we are hoping to host a medical clinic and help out where we are needed.

The reality is, I probably won’t go change the lives of thousands of women in South Asia in two weeks. But I pray that God would use me to impact eternity in some way—and that my life would look different as a result of this trip. That He would use it to continue shaping and molding my heart for the nations. Whether or not I am called to return, I honestly don’t know—but I do know that His love for the nations echoes from Genesis to Revelation and my job is simply to obey what He has called me to do right now—and that is to go serve in South Asia this May.

In preparation for this trip, I need your help in two ways: financial support and prayer. The total cost of the trip is about $3,000 which covers travel expenses, meals, accommodations, and supplies. The first $1,500 is due by March 15^th in order to book the plane tickets. The second half will be due May 1^st. If you feel led to support me, please make checks payable to Lightbearers ministries and mail to PO Box 9911 Fayetteville, AR 72703. For tax purposes, do not include my name anywhere on the check, but just write it on the envelope. All donations are tax deductible.

Please be praying for the people of South Asia, for the Holy Sprit to begin to prepare their hearts. Also, please lift up Lightbearers Ministries, specifically for unity among the team of students and leaders who will be accompanying me in this journey. Pray for our financial needs to be met fully and quickly, as well as for the Lord to just continue to burden our hearts for this nation and the people we will be doing life with. 

With Love,

Courtney 

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”                                                                              -Isaiah 61:1

My Bucket List

So one my sweet friends gave me this idea to take a composition notebook and fill it with my dreams, desires, passions, callings, etc. Often times I guess it would be called a “bucket list.” So over the past month or so I have been filling it with all of these things that I desire to do in my life. I just write one on each page and sometimes even draw a little image to go with the written words. It makes it more fun so I can look back and always laugh at my inability to draw! Then after I actually get to fulfill it, I write down the date and how it was fulfilled so to speak.

It is amazing to me how the Lord burdens our hearts for so many different things as believers, and how each one of us can have such drastically contrasting desires and passions and dreams, yet HE created us with those very specific desires, passions, and dreams for a purpose far greater then anything we could come up with on our own…these passions and dreams are given to us that through their fulfillment we may bring HIM glory! If not for this purpose, then why dream of these things? At the end of the day I know that the Lord has birthed even the silliest of these dreams deep within my heart because HE is the maker of all things good and HE desires for us to experience life, life to the full.

I share a few of my own dreams today in hopes that it will challenge you to take some time and ask the Lord to show you the areas which He has burdened your heart. How has He called you…created you really…to serve Him, to love others, to live life as He intended for you to…to live it to the fullest!

^“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”         -John 10:10