Life in Photos

Here are some pictures from the last couple months....life has been busy and full of changes recently, but oh so sweet. LOVE getting to spend most of my time with my daughters and their internaitonal friends, as well as my "adopted family."

Clinging to this Truth: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
-Ps. 33:8

Fun night of bowling with international friends and my daughter :)

Seoguen cooked a Korean dinner for my "adopted family!" All eleven of them!!

 My daughter Emna helping out at an international event...holding the sweet baby!

 I am tellin' ya what...this has got to be one of my greatest purchases ever...use it at least three nights a week! It even has a steamer for veggies and meat on top while it cooks the rice. Great for having my Korean friends for dinner as well!

 My daughter's 23rd birthday!!! She is older then me...crazzzzy.

LOVE making pesto!! I think I have finally perfected my recipe too!

Emna is in the kitchen! She cooked this DELICIOUS Tunisian meal for a dozen of us!! So fun. And yes that is a pot on my kitchen floor in the corner...we ran out of room on the stove, so the potatoes ended up on the floor!

Seoguen decided to put on my roommate's onesie...so cute!

On A Lunchbox

It is funny how life happens sometimes. Really, I just have to laugh.

I think that sometimes the hurt is so deep, yet the reality of His faithfulness so divine that all I can do is stand in awe. This morning, I had one of these moments. I just had to laugh—to rejoice in His redemption alone.

Growing up, I dreamed of a life in which my parents were in the PTO at school, volunteered to chaperone all the field trips, and never missed the school musicals. Just the thought of someday coming home to the sweet aroma of cookies baking and toilet bowls with blue water brought me great joy. I was crying out to be a child—for that to be enough. I hungered for the little things.

I love my parents. I really do. I know that my mom worked and worked and worked to provide me with everything I ever needed. I know that being a single mom was such an impossible task—we as women just weren’t created to raise babies alone. I know that she loves me as every mother loves her daughter. And I know that no family is perfect—the aroma of sweet-smelling cookies and all. In spite of the truth I know now, there is this part of me that still craves the little things. The cookies—the blue toilet bowls—the conversations—the moments.

This morning, I had a moment. I was leaving for work and realized that I needed to bring a lunch. I was offered anything from the pantry to eat. I started making a sandwich and she came along and wrapped it up, adding a few things to complete my meal. She then realized I needed something to put it in. She reached up high and pulled out a lunchbox for me to use. She threw in some napkins reminding me that my orange will probably get messy and these will come in handy. She gave me a hug and sent me out the door.

Ten minutes later I am driving down the road and it hits me—through the tears all I can do is laugh. I can remember buying my lunch all through elementary school, even into middle school. I would sit down with my lumpy potatoes, plastic chicken nuggets, and chocolate milk carton continually glancing across the table at my friends’ lunches. Their pink and purple princess lunchboxes came full of surprises. They would pull out their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, in a perfect square with the crust cut off and sliced down the middle. They got chips and a perfectly plump chocolate treat for desert. And a juice box—always the newest and tastiest. They always had a napkin. The real sweet moms even wrote a little love note to their daughter on the napkin, or snuck in an extra treat for later.

I was so jealous. I can vividly remember crying in the bathroom one day. I just so deeply desired that kind of a lunch box—not because of the food, the colors on the box, or the napkin—I wanted the love that came in the crust-free sandwich and letters on a napkin. 

Here I am, twenty-one years old—and I finally got my lunchbox.  

And of course it wasn’t about the box—in fact it was a boy-looking lunchbox, nothing spectacular. It wasn’t even about the food—and yes, my bread still had crust on it. But it was about the moment—it was about the thought inside the lunchbox. That lunchbox was filled with love.

As I sat alone eating my lunch at work today, I simply had to bask in the moment—He is faithful to redeem the years the locust has stolen. He is faithful to meet all of my needs—even my need for a lunchbox at the age of twenty-one. And only He knows those needs, even better then I do. And oh is He faithful to provide for them, that He might be glorified in that very provision. Only He knew the joy and praise that would one day come--from a lunch box at that.

Today, I saw His intimate and persistent and selfless love for me in a lunchbox. He cares for each of us so much, that He would place me in this place on this morning with this spiritual mom to whom He told to send me off to work with a lunch in a box, and in that perfect plan which far exceeds anything I ever could have dreamed, I see HIS love for me—the depth and perfection of it. I stand in awe.

Lord, thank you for revealing your love for me in my lunch box.

I am STILL confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. -Ps. 27:13-14

Ordinary Failure [James McDonald]

I have listed to a whole lot of sermons over the past several years, but this one takes number one in my book, so I thought I’d share some of what I am learning. Funny how I was drawn right to this one.

"Ordinary Failure"

James McDonald

2 Samuel 11:1-5

1.)    Prosperous times produce passive wills.

• Notice that this is taking place in the spring—this is the time when battles are fought since they cant be fought during winter because it is rainy season. Thus, David’s kingdom is prospering since God promised He would give them victory in battles.
• Normally, David always goes off to battle with his men, but this time he stayed back. Why??
• Well, most likely he was tired, lazy, unengaged, passive and struggling. We can even see this when David gets up off the couch in the middle of the afternoon—he must have been sleeping or laying there getting lost in his thoughts. It’s not normal to sleep in the afternoon, especially for someone in his position.

***Few of us can handle the temptation of inactivity.

o       You start thinking about YOURSELF, asking questions like:

o       Do I really like my life?

o       Do I want a new house?

o       Maybe I need some excitement?

o       I think I am sick of my wife—I need a new one.

o       Thus, I must be proactive in my walk with God. Moral failure such as what took place in David’s life does not happen all of a sudden—it is simply revealing a whole lot of passivity and failure over a long time. Man, I see this play out in my life over and over again.

2.)    Passive wills produce overpowering emotions.

• Obedience first—then joy will come.
• TRAIN- The engine must be obedience and our feelings the cabuse.
• The devil is a roaring lion, just waiting to devour us…all he needs is a little too much free time, a little indifference, a little depression, etc.
• THIS IS A WAR!!!
• We must have a war-time mentaility—get by on less and sacrifice more. You don’t have time to think about how YOU feel in a war.
• You must FLEE from your enemy. That means you literally run the opposite direction!

No human has the strength to resist such over-powering emotions.

ENGAGE YOUR WILL!! Call a friend…get on your knees…worship.

• We must deal with sin as it exists in our minds before it shows up in our behavior and hurts others. Oh, this is SUCH SWEET TRUTH!!! Do you HEAR THIS?
• Proverbs 25:28 reminds us to “rule over our own spirits.” A city without walls is dead.

3.)    Overpowering emotions produce perverse thoughts.

• When David heard that Bathsheba was “a wife” he should have fled…but he didn’t.
• We must stop our thoughts from becoming actions.

4.)    Perverse thoughts produce private sin.

• When we dwell on desire, yielding is just a matter of time!!
• So we go through a process something like this:
• WHY? If you only knew my past…if you could even begin to understand the pain I am in…if only you knew what happened. We all have a million “whys” to our sin.
• HOW? When you have a why, you will find a how. I’ll just stay out a little later…I just leave when it gets dark…I just tell her I’m here and go there.

All of this is in isolation. David is away from home and doesn’t get the counsel he needs.

• We must remember, God is not mocked. Proverbs 26:27 says whoever digs a pit will fall back into it. He gave us free will—He will allow us to chose life or death.

5.)    Private sin produces public consequences.

• You can be sure of one thing—your sin will find you out!
• When the weight of the sin becomes greater then the shame of being known, you will tell someone.
• One day, we will all have to give an account…He knows us, even the motives of our heart which man might never know.

On Dying and Loving: [Kisses from Katie]

 Today I spent most of the afternoon reading “Kisses from Katie,” a book that will mess up your life in more ways then I am yet to really understand. Katie was a typical teenager who simply did what God commanded. A few years later her life is half-way across the world, a mom to 14 beautiful Ugandan daughters.

I have been following her blog, for some time now, and I am always both encouraged and challenged by her words. Katie will be the first to admit that not everyone is called to sell their livelihood and move to Africa to mother a dozen babies.

And yet, God does command us of the following:

• You are to find me in the least of theses.
• You are to leave your earthly possessions and come follow me.
• You are to love and serve the Lord God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.
• You are to go and make disciples of all nations.
• You are to entertain strangers and leper and tax collectors.
• You are to show mercy.

You are to live a life of mediocrity and abundance, holding tight to your comfortable lifestyle, lest you lose it. No, He never says this.

I will be the first to say from experience, a life of mediocrity and abundance is comfortable—it’s safe. I would even say in our culture it is most accessible and acceptable. People question deviance from this norm. Giving up everything, opening our homes to strangers, and following Christ when you can’t see the whole plan—that is scary—and crazy in the eyes of our culture.

“But what if, just beyond that risk, just beyond the fear, is a life better then anything we have ever imagined:  life to the fullest. (John 10:10)

Not everyone has to pack up tomorrow and jump on a plane. Not everyone is called to the life of a missionary. But every day, we have a choice to make. Where we are it does not matter. We can stay nestled in our safe comfortable places and allow the fear of something that really is small compared to the greatness of God cripple us, or we can take a risk, do something to help someone else, change someone’s world.”

Katie’s words have been a gentle push in the behind, a gentle whisper in my ear, a not so gentle tug at my heart, a tug that is compelling me to die more and love deeper, right where I am at. It is compelling me to be unashamed of speaking the gospel message every time I have a visitor in my home. To cook bigger meals and welcome more international students into this apartment each week. To turn the car around and run into Walmart to get some food for the man standing on the street corner. To offer to babysit a couple times a month for the single mom struggling to make ends meet. To drop the things I think are more important and run my one of my daughters to Walmart at 10 o’ clock at night without complaint. To wash the dishes my roommates left in the sink with joy in my heart. To cut back on eating out once a week and give an extra $20 a month to the least of these.

I may not be a mother to fourteen in Africa (though I often wish I could carry such a title) but in His abundant grace, God has allowed me to play a tiny role in His perfect plan—He has allowed me to love like He loves, He has blessed me to give more, He has broken me apart, that in my weakness His glory will shine brighter then me.   

I refuse to be afraid to love…to give…to submit my control beneath the perfection and beauty of the plan He has for me and the things which He has commanded me.

“And gradually they realized their fear of death had brought them closer to it.”

I don’t want that to be me—to get so caught up in myself and my fears and my need for control that I am suddenly on the brink of death as a result. I desire to live the abundant life. That life comes most alive for me when it is in fact not about me. God, I pray that you show mercy in the messiness of my selfishness, that you would use me in spite of all of it, that you would allow me to represent you to the least of these, every day, wherever you have me, that I would gravitate towards loving selflessly and farther and farther away from myself.

Here is the promo video for Katie's Book which can be found at many local book stores or on Amazon!

Receiving What We Don't Deserve

There is a sign hanging on my wall that says Grace is when God gives us what we don’t deserve. If that is true, then everything in my life is simply by grace.

So last week, as I sat down to pour out the messiness of my life before Christ—and more so the messiness of it with Christ—I began to see that even my mess is simply by grace. I deserve death. But instead I am just messy. Grace.

I listen and watch, as a mom full of wisdom and steadfastness counsels me in my mess. It is not over the depth of the pit I am wrestling within, but rather the grace of God found at the bottom that causes a steady stream of tears to flow down her cheeks. As she weeps over the weightiness of this very word in her own life, the sweetness overflows. This moment is etched inside forever.   

A week later, I watch this very same mom mourn the loss of a child. There is nothing that makes sense about such tragedy, and yet at the bottom of the pit all I can hear are her cries of His grace in her life. I watch closely as she holds onto a hope in something she does not deserve, something lavished upon her in spite of it all. I check in to see how her family is doing—we are holding onto grace, are their exact words.

I could understand clinging to anger…bitterness…confusion…fear…doubt, but grace? Clinging to what they have been given that they do not deserve when it seems something so very precious has been taken (unjustly at that). Did they deserve to go endure such loss? No, certainly not. A God who loves deeply would not permit such pain? And yet—it happened.

 

Grace. Getting something we do not deserve. None of us deserve to lose a loved one—we deserve to lose our own lives, but we don’t. Grace. Oh He is good, not in spite of the pit but BECAUSE of the pit. We deserve so much worse then the deepest, darkest pit we have ever known. I see grace in the pit…in the grief…in the fire.  

Ironically, this happens to be the very first verse of scripture that I fell in love with when I first became a believer. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. [2 Corinthians 12:8-9]

I am learning to be content in the sufficiency of His grace, especially in my weakness—not just in the blessings He provides, but in the pit and in the fire. For it is ONLY by such grace I even have the ability to be standing there [in the flaming pit] in the first place. The pit…the grief….the fire…[the weakness we all try to mask]; they really do point back to one thing, crippling us to the point of dependency simply to rise—oh, Lord teach me to boast in Your Grace made loud through my weakness. [That your power might rest upon me.]  

Extreme Room Makeover: Roommate Style

To say the least, I have been a little pinterest-obssessed lately. Over Christmas break, my sweet roommate Mandy celebrated her birthday. Conveintly for me, she was out of town the entire month, giving me free reign to work out my free time and pinterest-craze on her (very bare) walls! Let's just say she came home to a bit of a birthday surprise!!      

Here are a few befores and afters...

 BEFORE                                                                                  AFTER

I loved getting to spend time on the details of this room. Both the desk and nightstand I found at thirft store and just spray-painted them olive green and brown.

Before spray-painting

After

I also loved getting to use more earthy tones and decor, something that is outide of my own comfort zone but perfect for my sweet roomie. I bought a few of these things at Hobby Lobby and made the rest (from Pinterest!)

Mandy is getting married in June and will soon be Mrs. Jones!
This is just cardboard covered in fabric and burlap with buttons.

The frame on the right is just hemp inside a glass frame. I love this because
you just take a draw erase marker and can write whatever you want on the
glass and then erase and write something new!

Pinterest of course...this is just a painted canvas with sticks hot-glued
and a flower to add a little something. The candles are just inside
Mason jars for a little added color.

This is just a mason jar covered in fabric and burlap with
a few buttons.



This was my favorite project. I just modge-podged these 11X14 pictures onto
four canvases. I edited the photos before printing and actually put the words
that my roommate's fiance said to her when he proposed. All of the photos
are from the day he proposed as well. My favorite is the last one...he actually
wrote on his paper at the bottom (Don't forgt to kiss her!) in case he got so
nervous that he forgot! Precious.



All in all, this was so fun for me to do and she loved it! I am so incredibly blessed to get to do life with Mandy this year...she is such an encouragement to me and I am so excited to watch her enter into married life soon!!!

Human Sex-Trafficking Awareness Day

Today is human sex-trafficking awareness day across the country.

I want to tell you a story.

A man was visiting a brothel. He was actually an undercover cop, but no one knew it. He was walking through the building, getting the lay of the land within this prominent Red Light District. As his eyes darted from room to room, corner to corner, he took up notes in his head as to the placement of everything. He knew in a few months he would be back here; the next time, he wouldn’t be undercover.

A few weeks prior, the authorities had several reports of possible cases of trafficking. It led to the discovery of a large trafficking ring, actually over 30 brothels intertwined, in one way or another. This was one of them. He was here on a mission; one which he could not act on until it could all come down at once. He was doing justice. It took time. But the payoff, well, the payoff would result in the HUNDREDS being set free.

As he finished up touring the inside, he noticed a door leading out back. He had come in broad daylight, so many of the young girls, free from the demand of their clientele, were playing outside on this sunny day. The door banged shut behind him as he took several steps out onto the back patio. His eyes skimmed the surroundings, as he immediately envisioned the troops surrounding the tall wooden fence, which currently served to lock these girls into this hellish nightmare. His plan of action was just about complete.

As he turned to head back into the darkness of the brothel, something caught his eye. Slowly, he rotated his body back in the direction of the east end of the yard. Much of the terrain where the little girls were playing was sheeted in lifeless brown grass. Then there were certain parts of the ground encompassing the fence that were simply covered in dirt. Sitting deep in the shadow of the fence, he wonders how he even noticed her. Her skin was a light hazelnut, her tattered brown curls fell well past her shoulders. She was hunched over a bit, sitting in the dirt.

He watched her for a few long moments, as his mind struggled to accept the vision seeping through his eyes. After all, this wasn’t the kind of thing they prepared you for in the force. This wasn’t the kind of thing they prepared you for in parenthood. This was just not something you would ever think you might need to be prepared for.

She sat back a bit, her bottom gently landing in the little pile of dirt that she rested on. He watched as she took the handful of dirt she had just picked up from the ground and proceeded to dump it right onto the top of her head. He watched her pale face expressionless face as she continued reaching forward and sweeping up large handfuls of dirt into her palms, and then piled it atop her curly locks of hair. It began to sweep down over her eyes, some piling up atop her sharp shoulder blades. Her white tank top was completely dusted in the russet dirt, its red undertones disguising her lighter complexion.

After an hour or so, of just being glued to that spot, one of the girls who had been playing with a ball walked over to the man. She followed his eyes which were still glued to the little girl covering herself in dirt. She tugged on the bottom of his shirt, breaking his trance and getting his attention. He looked down at her, her big brown eyes gazing up at him. Broken from his state of denial, he hesitated before proceeding to ask the childlike teenage girl what exactly that young girl was doing over there by fence.

Having already seen the child of whom he was speaking, the girl refused to unlock her eyes from his. She solemnly replied, looking straight into his eyes. "She was taken from her maw when she was five years old.  She eight now. She new here. Last night, madam asked me to take her upstairs and get her ready for her debut. Her whole body, it was shakin’ as I applied the pink blush and dull lipstick. I tried to tell her she had to stop those tremors or they were gunna beat on her, but she couldn’t. I sat outside the whole time.  I talked to her afterwards, told her it was all gunna be okay. Her mind seemed to be somewhere else. 

Now she over there trying to bury herself in that dirt pile. She done can’t handle the pain. She tryin to go on disappearing. I guess we all try to one way or another—you have to to make it round here. She just out here makin it happen in the physical."
He stood, perfectly still, the tears pouring down his cheeks, as he realized that this one, this precious little girl, did not have enough time for him to do justice. What if this was his daughter? He could not wait a month, a year, for the go ahead to save the hundreds. This ONE would not make it til then. The ONE needed him today, right now. He was overwhelmed by mercy. As he began striding towards her dirt pile in the corner of the yard, he decided that in this moment, right now, SHE mattered more then the hundreds.

Let’s rise up and come together to make a difference for the ONE today.

Not all are called to jump on the next flight to a trafficking hub across the globe, nor are all called to commit years to the pursuit of these girls freedom. However, we ARE each called to “Learn to do good, seek justice, help the oppressed, defend the orphan, and plead for the widow.” Isaiah 1:17 We are called to share the hope to which we have been called. We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. We are called to lavish grace and mercy and love upon those in need.

You might not ever see one of these precious girls face to face, but just imagine all the eyes she might look into—and into the brokenness she can speak of a God who met her right there, a God who made her new. She can share of HIS love and grace and redemption in her own life. Let us rise up, generation, let us fight for these beloved daughters of our Daddy.

What that looks like is different for each of us. I pray that the Spirit would lead you to rise up according to His glorious will. Here are some resources that offer lots great ways to unite in pursuit of freedom for these women and children.  

The A21 Campaign

http://www.thea21campaign.org/21-ways-to-help.php

The Not for Sale Campaign

http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

The Polaris Project

http://www.polarisproject.org/human-trafficking/overview

International Justice Mission

http://www.ijm.org/

Mercy Ministries of America

http://www.mercyministries.org/sextrafficking/

The Home Foundation

http://abolitioninternational.org/

International Crisis Aide

http://www.crisisaid.org/

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jer. 1:5